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How do I tell guests that they can only come to my wedding if they rsvp?

My wedding is on a private property and will be guarded by security. How to I let my guests know that if they do not RSVP their names will not be on that list? I don't want to sound tacky with the response cards or offend anyone, but once security has that list the guests cannot get in if they aren't on it. What should I do? I am thinking many of you have never PAID for a formal event. It isn't just the security that needs a headcount, its the baker, the catering company, the rental company I mean come on. If people show up that didn't RSVP that means I am short chairs and food NOW THAT'S TACKY! Thanks for all the positive responses.

Public Comments

I don't think you should anticipate problems just yet. Are these people who would generally not respond and then show up? If so, call those who have not responded personally.
It would serve your guests right if they did not RSVP and showed up anyway and were turned away at the gate. Perfect consequence for their rudeness. There is no polite way to phrase it on the response card. RSVP should be enough, but unfortunately the masses feel that they don't have to observe this social obligation. If you really feel the need to put something on your response card, put something like "Response required for security to admit you to the property"
Perhaps you are naive, but if someone doesn't RSVP, you call them and ask them if they are coming. Don't worry your head about anybody who changes their mind after they've said no. And for heavens sake, don't put some like in there about security needing to know. That is irrelevant and such bad taste.
This is simply handled with a small insert in the invitation that states the following: "Our wedding is on private property, and the owner states that this event will be guarded by security personnel. A requirement of the security officer is that we submit a list of all those attending prior to the day of. Prompt RSVP would be appreciated, including first and last names, please." See? Problem solved!!! :D
You need to do a presentation invitation, stating that invitations are required for entrance to the wedding ceremony and reception. (***This would be different if some were invited to wedding only, when a small family wedding, but a larger reception)However, your circumstance is different, so in invitations if not mailed have a pre-printed announcement that only RSVP's only will be on guest list and any name not on guest list will not be allowed admittance (for security purposes).(you can add the last, security purposes, if you want so that people not familiar with this type of guest list will know your reasons) Do this simply, state it and be done with it, do not try to go into elaborate details. This is done, just not heard of often, keeps unwanteds from crashing a wedding reception and getting free food and drinks. If you have already mailed invitations, then the only thing I can think of is to mail each a message and state the above.Also, if you feel uncomfortable with this, you can state----- when you put address of wedding put in parentheses (Private Property) thus when guests see the part about RSVP's only allowed admittance this will also give them another reason to understand your request, but this is not necessary, I get presentation invitations all the time, this is being done more and more due to many/most receptions being informal/formal plated dinners when only a certain number is provided and paid for.
Here is what you do. 1. Give a deadline for the RSVP's to be returned. That is normal. 2. Wait a few days (2-3) past the deadline date to see if any last minute cards come in. 3. After the 3 days, start calling those that have not responded and ask them if they are coming or not. But seriously, are you going to turn people away even if they were on the original invite list? I can understand about having security for the sake of "wedding crashers" but if these are people that you did invite....I don't know. This possibly could only amount to a very, very few. I would give the security people the list of invitees. Others should be turned away, but not those that have been invited. YES, it is totally rude if they said "no" and end up showing up, but I would take it favorably (that they want to celebrate with you) instead of negatively.
The whole idea of an RSVP is that if you don't respond that you are coming, you aren't expected, security or not. That said, as a proper host, if you find that once your RSVP deadline has passed, you contact those you have not heard from. Like someone else mentioned, give it a couple of days. Yes, it is extremely rude not to RSVP to an invite, but you cannot assume that those you did not hear from didn't RSVP. Go to any wedding forum and you will hear from brides who recieved RSVPs months after the wedding, that were postmarked on time. Others have had invites returned just before and even after the wedding. Bottomline, you cannot rely on the mail system to ensure that each invitation and RSVP is delivered on time, so you need to contact those who haven't RSVP'd. I would not put anything extra on the invite. I would go with normal RSVPs and contact those I have not heard from after the deadline. I would be extremely embarrassed to have a friend or loved one turned away at the gate because their RSVP got lost.
I would not tell them anything. I mean, that's the general rule. You're invited, you RSVP yes, and you go. My suggestion is that if you find that some people did not respond at all, have a bridesmaid or someone call them to make sure. You never know if things get lost in the mail or just complete "I totally forgot to put that in the mailbox" happens...
I've worked several weddings with this situation. I don't know why it was "voted down" because the best idea is to include a separate insert with the invitation explaining the security issue and that they will not be admitted without a proper RSVP. The times this hasn't happened I had to play bad cop at the door/gate and keep people who were not on the list from entering. As a wedding coordinator I can not charge enough for this task! If unauthorized guests were admitted onto the grounds the bride and groom would be fined. Under those circumstances there is nothing wrong with letting the guests know about the limitations.
You could include on you wedding invitations :Please send RSVP cards as soon as possible as security will be strict to allow only those wedding guest into the reception" Have a wonderful wedding day.
Well, you wouldn't "tell guests that they can only come to my wedding if they rsvp?" If you word it like that, people will certainly be offended and not even waste their time to come. I think you are attempting to ask how can you tastefully inform guests that they must RSVP. What I would do is followup with phone calls with those who didn't return their response card. I would not eliminate anyone unless I'd actually spoken to them. If for some reason you can't reach them, put their name on the list. Personally, I would not eliminate anyone at all, period. If they show that's ok, if not that's ok too. It sounds like you don't have a wedding planner, but you can speak with your printer who will probably have or can find examples of inserts for the invitation. It's not in poor taste ("tacky") to specify there is security. It's just a matter of finding the right wording.You should post your question on a couple of the wedding sites; I'm sure someone has gone through the same thing. It's not the fault of the guests that you chose a place with security, so you will have to make every effort to make sure there are NO mistakes as far as list is concerned. Have a plan B just in case someones name is accidentally left off of the list. Meaning, have a contact person that security can call, just in case. This is where your wedding planner would come in handy.
I think the right thing to do would be to include "By invitation only" in the invites, request the RSVP then a few days after the due date start calling people who haven't RSVP'd
Wait until the date has arrived to return the rsvp's and then call the ones you have not heard from. If you get no answer, and there is a machine, leave a message stating that you must know if they plan to attend to get on the security check list. If their name is not on the list, they will not be able to get in. Simple as that!