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Husband doesn't help with baby?

Our daughter is 3 months old now and my husband barely helps at all. The first week after we had her he helped me, but now he does vitually nothing unless I ask him to. He works full time and brings in the money. I just left a job of 8 years to pursue the family business and will be working part time to start. But I think since he knows that he is the primary bread maker right now that he thinks he doesn't have to help out. But shouldn't he want to help take care of his daughter? He will only feed her if I ask him to. Only make the bottle if I ask him to. Once I asked him to make a bottle and when he saw there were no clean ones and had to wash one out he was like "Ughh, seriouslyyy" with a sour puss look on his face. If I ask him to feed her so I can attend to something else (ie cooking dinner, doing dishes, doing laundry, making the bed or a multitude of other things on my to-do list daily) he will do it, begrudgingly, saying "sure" but the not "sure!" like yeah I'd love to feed my daughter, but the "sure" like "yeah...I guess i'll feed her, since you asked me to." He has never given her a bath. He doesn't normally change her diaper unless I ask him to. Just once I would like to hear him say, "Does she need a new diaper? I'll do it." Today, he didn't even hold her once. He worked all day long and you'd think he want to pick up his daughter and give her a hug when he got home, but nope... he spent the night on his computer, as ususal. One time I had my hands full with something and she was sitting in her rocker chair and she was crying. She had been fed and just had a nap and clearly she just wanted to be picked up and have some attention. Since my husband wasn't doing anything for her, I told her, "She wants you to hold her" and he was like, "That's nice..." and didn't pick her up! I stopped what I was doing and I picked her up and gave her the cuddles and attention that she needed. Is this normal behavior? Would you put up with it? I feel like I'm a single mom most of the time. And also, if he does pick her up, a lot of the time she will still cry because she isn't used to him (since he never interacts with her!) and instead of trying to get her to stop crying and comfort her, he just holds her and lets her cry on him. Umm...that's not really helpful! I thought my husband would make a great daddy, but right now, my daughter really only has her mommy. Her daddy would rather hold his computer in his lap than her. :(

Public Comments

1. Divorce him
2. You asked if you I would put up with it.. Definitely not! This sort of stuff truely sickens me. I do not care how long his day is, he should come home wanting to see his family, and his beautiful baby. I cannot believe this. I think you should try talking to him honestly, talking is the best thing to do. If you aren't happy then the relationship between you and your husband will not work out. You have to maintain balance in a relationship.. and he needs to understand that maintaining that balance includes helping out around the house and with the baby no matter how long he works. There is no reason what so ever you should feel like a single mom, fix this before he continues this.. it will only get worse. If talking him does not help, try counseling. I wish the best for you and your baby.
3. have you communicated with him about this?? you need to tell him how you feel.... I would definitely NOT put up with that...
4. Oh my, i am going through the exact same thing at the moment with my 2 month old and husband. He has not changed a single nappy since he was born, wouldn't have a clue how to make a bottle up, and barely holds his son for an hour a day. He will come home from work, say 'hello little man' and then go for a run and then watch tv. He does cook dinner every night so i am thankful for that at least. But he doesn't do it to help, he does it so he gets to eat what he wants to eat. Also, the only break I really get is when i make his bedtime bottle and hand him to his dad so he will feed him while i go for a shower. I have to use the shower as an excuse to get him to do it. He has NEVER given him a bath, and when he does hold him, he will usually start to cry before long coz he doesn't know him very well. Then my husband says 'he's looking for a boob'. Half the time he's not even hungry, his dad just doesn't know how to settle him. So, i really know how you feel. I also feel like a single mum and it is draining. I think we both need to step up and say something or it is all going to blow up and be very ugly. Good luck, we can do it.
5. Would I put up with it - Absolutely not. Is this normal behavior - For some men, unfortunately yes, but that's not to say it can't be changed. He might think you just do nothing all day, some how some men don't realize how much goes in to taking care of a baby and the house. If he's home on the weekends make him aware of everything you are doing to take care of the baby and around the house, even if it annoys the crap out of him just so he can see how much you actually do. Or, get up early one Saturday morning, tell your husband he's on baby duty, and go do something for you for a couple hours. He'll have no choice and then he'll realize how much you do when taking care of her. When my husband and I first brought our daughter home he was great at helping me around the house when he was home. I had a c-section so for a couple weeks I couldn't do much around the house without help. He was working 7 days a week so once I was back to normal and back to my routine I hardly ever asked him to do anything apart from any heavy lifting (which was rare) and taking the garbage out. After he cut back to regular hours he was a little lax for a week because he had been so worn out from working so much and I was fine with that. After that week I'd start asking him for help with things, even if it was just burping the baby after I was done nursing her. At first he was a little wary of doing so much but I honestly think he was a little scared of her because he'd never been around a newborn for any extended period of time. Now, not a day goes by without him helping me with her (now that he truly understands how much I do each day after being cooped up in the house all weekend when the hurricane hit here). The other day I took my daughter into the bathroom while he was showering so we could give her a shower and he shut the water off just as I walked in so I said "Oh man, okay I guess I'll give her a bath instead" - he instantly turned the water back on and said "No it's okay give me the baby". Yesterday my daughter was just miserable. Between teething and I think having a cold she was just not in a good mood. Due to flooding my husband got home from work late and by the time he ate dinner and got out of the shower I was about to the end of my rope, I just needed 5 minutes to breathe so my husband took our daughter and that was all I needed. But at first it wasn't like that, even if I needed 5 minutes after my husband got home I didn't always get it. There are some times when I feel he doesn't help as much as I'd like but I guess that par for the course. Talk to your husband, tell him you won't be putting up with his child like behavior any longer and that you need his help. If my husband would have said "That's nice ..." and not picked up our daughter I would have told him to go f*ck himself, that is completely disrespectful. If that behavior continues I'd suggest counseling. If he's unwilling to compromise in any way I'd suggest separating as he'll likely never change at that point. Good luck.
6. this, sadly is normal for a lot of men. no i would no put up with it. not a chance. When we had our first child my husband was unsure of what to do, how to hold, what baby wanted etc. So he backed right off and let me take over. Saying "you know how" and "he likes it when you do it". what i did was put him in charge of a few things. I told him that from now on his job was to bath the baby, and to wash the bottles at the end of the day. He was in charge of those two things and i would harp on at him if he didn't do them. I taught him how to hold, bath, dry, and massage the baby. I praised him to high heaven, tell him i'd never seen baby so happy! I bragged to his family and friends about what an amazing father he was. The more i went on about him being attentive and the baby loving him, and baby looking forward to bath time each day.. the better my husbands confidence and interest became. We now have two children and one on the way, hubby still needs a good nagging some days, but most of the time he's excellent at the bath and bottles. Ideally i'd like him to change a diaper, pick up dirty clothes and tidy up around here.. but hey, at least he does lift a finger now, so i'm happy.