Latest Lists

How do I learn to trust again?...and deal with anger/emotions?

This is gonna sound really pathetic. I can't even believe my fingers are typing this out for the world to see. Basically... I came out of a really bad relationship 4 years ago... Actually 2 bad relationships... The first one was ideally my first proper boyfriend... This went on for 11 months whilst I was at school... I was dating an older guy from school and after 5 months I found out hed been sleeping with another girl...not only that but she was one of my friends. Out of pure stupidity and not really knowing what to do about my usual routine...I forgave him after about a week and the relationship was then based on mind games and revenge. I then turned to a friend who was a guy and had been for years... We went out for 3 months! And I've never argued with anybody or felt so insecure around anyone in all my life. Crazy I know - because before this he was my best friend before and I turned into an awful person after boyfriend number 1 put me through hell. After splitting up with boyfriend number 2 in september 2007... I met another guy, who is my current boyfriend of nearly 4 years... He's the nicest person I've ever met, for the first time ever I can actually see he cares about me and people think I'm stupid if I ever doubt him for loving me etc. Its got to a point now where I feel like I don't trust him... He asks me to give him a list of reasons why I don't trust him and to be honest, I can't name one. He's just got an extra night job doing something he's always wanted to do but its only 1 night a week and it pays really well. He says he's put it off for ages because he knows that I fret when I'm away from him and I get all sorts of thoughts into my head...he said he's doing it so he can save the money to get us our official own place together. If I stay at home with my family...I don't sleep, I'm checking my phone every 2 minutes, I'll sit there crying for no reason and I get so angry I can't control it. I dunno what's causing it but its ruining my life.

Public Comments

1. move on..you can't live this way not even healthy...
2. It seems like your current boyfriend really cares for you. He's trying and you aren't giving him enough credit for that. Something that tears relationships up is appreciation. He wants to feel appreciated. I know that's not what your problem is. You obviously have trust issues because of Previous experience, which is understandable. That's hard to live with but trust me, the only way to keep this relationship going is to make your boyfriend feel appreciated. You don't want him to even think about cheating or being dishonest, and that's what will happen if you continually tell him you can't trust him for no reasons. You can still put trust into him by not being controlling or sad all the time. Even though it may be hard and you might not feel like you trust him, still give him freedom. You can resort your time to other things as well. Girl time or shopping. Something to keep your mind off being upset he's not there. Good luck
3. I feel sorry for you.I know its hard to trust when you have bad relationships. I went through this too. But you have to learn to trust. But I have the power to trust again even after being betrayed like i am doing now.I married my hubby 3 years ago and i trust him completely. I know its difficult coz every now and then you ll hear husbands and wives,bf,gf cheating on each other so it just makes you more scared. But you love him so trust him.Trust is an integral part of any relationship.aND WHEN YOU LOVE SOMEONE YOU SHOULD TRUST HIM. please answer mine http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AiDT7YPx7f2Md2v9KFLi_yLty6IX;_ylv=3?qid=20111119023050AAF4UpE
4. I have the same problem you do & it's caused all kinds of issues in my relationship. I wish I could give an answer that would solve everything & make us both trust again, but I'm @ a loss. Actually, I NEVER respond to internet postings & this is my first time. However, I have a theory or 2 about how my trust issues started & I wanted to ask you a question that I hope doesn't offend you. Did your father or mother cheat? My father did & I had no idea about it until my teen years, but that's when you start dating so who knows if that's why I do what I do. I think a large majority of the personal issues we struggle with in adulthood stem from some random thing we happened to pick up from our parents. May be true, may not. idk I'd love some feedback from other females than have trust issues.
5. This is about your own internal insecurity and you need to stop being so 'needy' or it will destroy every relationship you have eventually............. what happened in the past is in the past, you learn from it and move forward, you don't hang onto it and make yourself feel insecure or you only hurt yourself............ the bf you love and trust is doing something which he loves for the right reasons and you need to support him 100%.......... so you can't be together 1 night...get a grip how do you think people manage when their partner is in the Army and is sent away to a war zone for 9 months, they get on with their life, making sure they are busy and productive, learn to become an independent human being not a needy insecure person which if you do allow that to happen in the end that will split you up .......... then you can 'hang on' to yet another break up and carry the baggage into your next relationship..............book yourself up so you go out with a gf, go swimming, or take a class in something you have always wanted to do.......... this is your free time don't waste it, use it and it will build your self confidence that way too.............................................
6. The best advice I can give you... take a year out of your life - buy yourself a backpack - and go and travel around the world. You will grow so incredibly and face so many of your demons that you will come back a different person. As stronger person, a more mature and happier person. You "cannot" expect some one else to be your happiness crutch, it is so unhealthy its going to destroy you both. PS - as long as you choose your destinations wisely, backpacking is actually cheaper than your regular life right now. You are in a drastic place - you need drastic measures or it will take years for you to get through all this.
7. I am not being mean here or sarcastic but what you need is to go to a therapist and talk about your trust issues and get to the bottom of why you are like this. You are also clingy as a result and if you don't get help for this you will never be able to have a good relationship because no matter who you are with you will always have trust issues even when there appears to be no reason for it (such as your current relationship). It is understandable at first to have trust issues with a new person if you were cheated on in a past relationship, however, after 4 years you should be well over that and feel secure in your relationship. Likely your past experiences are still affecting how you act in your current relationship and all that will do is eventually get your BF fed up having to constantly reassure you so go talk to a professional and figure this out otherwise you are destined to sabotage all your relationships.
8. well your damage in a sense where u been in bad relationships,and been wounded by betrayal and prior trust issues with past boyfriends. you keep blaming yourself for them cheating on you, when it really doesn't have anything with you. young guys are dogs and think their players and might try to get away it cheating w/out getting caught however; guys are stupid and always seem to play one too many girls what you have do is give yourself time to heal before entering anther relationship and realize that not all guys are going to cheat.so had bad boyfriends yes but every relationship is different, and you have to trust them,putting the past behind you. Mind game and being revengeful is only going to make you a psycho girlfriend. so start a new slate with new positive thought, and at least give the new guy and fresh start.
9. Listen to me. This is a new person. He is not the old boyfriend. Do not pass the sins of one man onto a good man. You can turn a good man bad by making him unhappy and suspicious too. I have been in a bad relationship and an fantastic one (with the same changeable man) and I can tell you that how you act goes a long way to the success or failure of a relationship. Drop it. Drop it now. Be happy and make your plans with the best of intentions. No guarantees are given in life. Not for anything or anyone. So hope for the best and put in the effort to be a worthy partner. I wish you both happiness & health.