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Help with wedding guest list!! Do not want any hard feelings.?

Alright, so it is that time of wedding planning that I'll be needing to send out invitations. . . I'm on a tight budget AND the place I am renting out only has seats for 70. . Minus me and my fiance that leaves 68 seats. . . I made a list of all my family and my closest friends and I made my fiance help me do the same for his. . . . This is the only thing. . . For my side of the family I am keeping it as small as I can. I have my parents, my grandparents, my closest two uncles, my 3 closest cousins and their kids, and my step grandfather. I also have listed- my distant uncles. . . I never see them. . . Rarely even for holidays. I feel awkward around them both because I never see them. One has a wife that is doing bad off with dimentia and the other has a son a year younger than me that last I saw was my grandmothers funeral 4 years ago and before that I saw him when he was about 12. . . I really want to not invite these last few members. Not out of saying they are not family and important but that I really need to cut down on people for space and I do not see them often. Part of me says "Well, send the invite- they'll probably turn you down anyway" but wouldn't it be the case that I send it and they say they're coming and I don't have enough room?? The same goes for friends. I'm inviting my best friend who is my MOH and her fiance. I am also (out of obligation) inviting my 2nd friend who I have grown somewhat distant to but since I do not have many friends and I know she would hurt I'm inviting her and her fiance and her baby (I dont really count the baby- he's only about 1 year old) I am also thinking about inviting my best friends mother who is always there for me and may also be hurt. When I thought of that I was thinking "well what if my best friend's sister gets hurt because I invite her mom but not her too? but then I have to invite her husband and 2 kids and then the other brother. . . so I think Im leaving all that out. . . My fiance (on the friends list side) has about 16 people!!! Most of them were childhood friends he never even sees anymore or associates with but still calls them friends. . . . Personally. . . .Because he's grown so distant I would just forgo inviting them. I know one lives in Texas with her husband now so she probably wont come- but there are lots others who may. . . The other issue is that one of those people is the parent of one of his friends and that parent just so happens to be the boss of my parents who my Dad hates. My Dad had a brain tumor and surgery after that makes him very irritable at times and he says stuff that he should not say- he says if he sees him at the wedding he's going to cuss him out for being such a jerk to them with work or something. .. Ugh!! I tried to reason with him- I hope he would not do that but I really would rather not even invite those people. Sure he was close when he was a KID but he has not seen them in years aside from maybe a hello while he was working at the grocery store and they pass him while they shop or something. . . . Then there are a few people I cannot deny if they want to come. . . A lady is making our cake for us. I don't know her at all but my fiance does- and making a cake will save us a lot of money. My two bosses are also catering our wedding for free so I am inviting them too as it saves us a lot of money. For his family there are his parents, his sister, his grandfather, his local aunt and uncle and some very very close family friends who are always over and more like family than just friends, and some close cousins. . . But then he has family that lives on the other side of the United States. Cousins our age who Im sure wont be coming - - - Do I send invites to them? Personally I'd rather them not. I know again that sounds mean but it's only because seating is limited and I'd rather keep it only to close family. . . . How do you do this? Whenever I mention cutting people out the list to my finance he gets really upset about it and acts like he does not want to. I dont nessisarily want to either but we have to to keep costs down. Really I'd like to narrow it down to about 60 people but right now I have about 78 people. . . way too many for seats!! And I know at some point everyone will want to sit down- I'd hate for someone (or many people) to be without a chair!!! And I cannot afford to bring in more and the building would probably not have enough room!!! If I cut out all the people I mentioned cutting out though it would make the list at about 60 people. Just what I wanted it at. . . . But even those who cannot come, I'm sure they would like an invitation. . . . But if I send one and they say they can come and I do not have enough room what do I do??? I do not want to be rude to these people. Any suggestions? Thank you for taking the time to read all this!

Public Comments

1. have your list ready and be prepared to hurt feelings!! i recenly had a 20 person wedding in tennessee and it takes a lot to trim the fat. first take out obscure relatives on both sides in my case it went down to: parents grandparents siblings and siblings significant others (if significant at all) don't invite people because you feel obligated like your moh's siblings.. are you as close to them as you are your moh and her mother?? if not trim them out. you're husband is going to have to compromise with you on your dads boss.. especially if it'll upset your father.. and his friends aren't necessary the best way to avoid over crowding at your wedding is eliminating +1's on the invite.. invite specific people and don't allow children.. if you want it as intimate as you say it should be an adults only affair (unless they're your children) good luck hun, i had to take my list down from almost 60 :]
2. Please make this more simple to read. It's hard to keep track when you mention so many different relatives and friends. Just put it into numbers: how many are absolute invites, maybes, from your side, from his? Then maybe we can help you.
3. Your wedding should be about celebrating with those people who are really important to you- NOT those who you feel obligated to invite. As you go through your guest list - ask yourselves if you can see the person being a part of your life into the future.- If not - then they are not on the list. Regardless of what decisions you make - there is always going to be someone who criticizes your choices, so the best thing is to do what feels right for the 2 of you. I remember hearing a Television host here in Australia say that he told his kids when they were getting married "" if you haven't had much to do with the person in the last 2 years - do not include them"" something for you to think about. It is NOT necessary to invite parents/ sibling of friends , unless you also have a special relationship with them. Thing is thos people who really do wish you well wont be put out by your decision - those who do criticize are not worth you worrying about.
4. How to control your guest list . . Do not send an invitation to anyone unless you are sincere. Remember, even if this person lives thousands of miles away, there is always a possibility that they may accept your invitation (and combine your wedding with other vacation plans or events). So, don't ever assume someone will not come. Do not invite anyone who you have not seen or talked to in the last two years. If you have not communicated with this person in the past twenty-four months then you are no longer CLOSE. Close friends and relatives keep in contact with each other. Do not invite anyone under the age of twelve years old. Children get bored at the ceremony and that leads to discontentment PLUS they do not appreciate or eat the meal that YOU have paid for. Do not feel obligated to invite anyone to your wedding just because you participated in or were invited to their wedding. You are not obligated to invite anyone who does not have a serious partner or they are not in a serious relationship. Do not invite anyone you have not met. For example: your parents co-workers or neighbors or bowling buddies. Do not invite anyone who will make you feel unhappy or uncomfortable or angry. Would you invite a swarm of bees to a picnic? You should only invite the co-workers who you socialize with after working hours. They are the people that you are "good friends" with. Do not feel obligated to invite your supervisor, boss or manager unless you have a personal relationship with this person. Answered by: A Certified wedding specialist / A Professional bridal consultant / A Wedding ceremony officiant
5. the uncle you speak of that you haven't seen in years, I wouldn't bother inviting. I had the awkward conversation of explaining to my father why I wasn't inviting one of his uncles to our wedding, but it saved me hundreds of pounds so it was a conversation worth having. if im am honest you probably should have wrote out a guest list before you chose a venue, as your choice of venue decides on how many people you need to invite. with regards to your best friend, you have invited her because she is your best friend, although you know her sister etc, they arent your best friends and should understand why they aren't invited. Im assuming that this is your day list your talking about? Why not invite them to the evening part? most people just want to come to something and will be happy with whatever part of the day you invite them too.