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How do I get my family to butt out of my wedding guest list???

I am getting married in a month and when planning the guest list...had only 50 invitations to work with based on what my fiance and I can afford. We started with main family members (moms, dads, grandparents, aunts/uncles, and some cousins, and used the remainder for close friends. Now my family feels the need to upset me and critique the family members I did and didn't send an invite to. My fiance and I are paying for our own wedding so I think it's fair for us to invite who we want to spend the day with. Is this wrong of me to assume? My family brings along a lot of drama and I feel like my wedding day should be spent celebrating my fiance's and my relationship and committment....not arguing over distant relatives that didn't get an invitation. Ugh.

Public Comments

elope...then they won't be able to say anything about your guest list.
elope
u cant ur family needs to be at ur wedding
Don't give in to your family. This is the most important day of your life and everything should go exactly as you want. If you let them butt in, you'll regret it for a long time. Put your foot down !
it is YOUR wedding. tell them youre paying for it out of your pocket and if they want more people to be invited then theyd have to pay for them. if you need help on clever ideas for the wedding (cheap ones too) you can email me.
Just say my wedding my call thanks for your advice
It is your wedding and you are paying for it. You can invite (or not invite) anyone you want. Just don't let them get to you - your wedding day should be happy and fun!
STAND FIRM!! Since they are not paying, they don't get a say.. Believe me, when I got married my mother in law made everything a living HE double hockey sticks. I hope you have a beautiful wedding. When all else fails, tell them you will elope and use the money and go to Hawaii and get married on the beach with a couple of local yokels as the witness'. Have a beautiful day. :)
you are exactly right. it's your day and you are paying for it. tell them to butt out or you'll elope.
Well, it's your's and your fiance's wedding so i think you two should invite who you want. Personally, if i was getting married, that's how i'd view it. Gratz by the way
It's fine for you to invite the closest relatives to the wedding, but all relatives should be invited to the reception. It would be rude to leave family members out of any part of your wedding all together. You could have things to help raise money at the reception to cover the cost of the extra people, such as a dollar dance, etc.
Youre paying for it so they need to butt out. If they want to rant fine but you dont have to change a thing. If you dont want to listen to them rant say gotta go and leave (or hang the phone up). Dont make this your problem. Let it be theirs. Just continue making the invitations how you want.
You've answsered your own question. :) "My fiance and I are paying for our own wedding so I think it's fair for us to invite who we want to spend the day with. " Tell them exactly that in a non-offensive way. Good luck and congrats!
well i think u shud invite ur family cuz u know.......its ur family. but if u dont wanna thats cool. if they do bring alotta drama as often as u say they do then id understand if u didnt invite them. if they wanna mope the whole wedding, let them, but invite em anyway unless u really think they'll ruin the wedding
I'm a wedding planner and this works each time: You could sort of announce to everyone that you really had a hard time deciding whom to choose to invite, so you, as a couple, settled on the criterion that you are only inviting those whom you have seen or heard from for the past six months (or 1 year, depending on how many people this criterion disqualifies). This means that an aunt, for example - whether that's a distant aunt or your mom's sister - if she never gave you the time of day, then she doesn't deserve to be invited.
tell your family to butt out. if you guys are paying for it then invite who you want. tell them if they want all the extra people to come they are welcome to pay for the extra people. i know what you are going through, good luck. all else fails jump onto a plane to New Zealand and elope. I'm a wedding photographer. we could send them some nice pics! lol. all the best.
send everyone one. the more the marryer... alot of people prolly will not make it.
Sounds like you know the answer and just want reassurance. Rest assured you are not wrong and don't let people even people that you love change your feelings or ruin your day. It belongs to you and your fiance so make treat it like it is. Get the courage or and or they will control every thing else if you let them. Trust yourself! So what if they got involved in your sex life would you listen to them or even care if they said you were doing it wrong? Good luck!
Well if your parents keep buggin you, tell them exactly how much money they owe you to add the guests they think you should invite. They will probably shut up real quick, or you will get extra money for a nicer wedding :-)
If you family wishes to invite different people, calculate the per person price for inviting them and tell them they can pay that to invite them. Don't forget to include everything. On the other hand, since this is a lot of work for you, I would just say that you wanted a limited guest list and these were the people that you really wanted there, that were really special to your and your family. Don't be angry or bitter about it. Sound sad that you couldn't invite crazy Aunt May or whatever, but it meant you would have had to take someone else special off the list like a really close cousin. I have a feeling my dad is going to want to invite more people when I show him what the guest list is. I have already warned him that I don't want too many people, that my fiance's family isn't very big, and that my dad's side of the family already constitutes a lot of invitations. You're right, if I wanted to invite 300 people I'm sure I could find them and send invites. It doesn't mean, though, that I really really want them to be there to witness our wedding. You can also remind your family that, to guests, a wedding is an expense, at least in gifts, if not in travel, clothing, babysitters, and the like. People who aren't close to you might prefer just to get an announcement in the paper.
I completely agree with you. I am also only having 50 people and I already know I'm going to be heard crap from all four sides of the families. (Both of us have divorced and remarried families....) What you need to remember is that it's YOUR wedding. You are paying for it and it's your decision who to invite. Do as you wish and the family members who can't understand that will have to get over it.
Almost every bride goes through this with either her family or her fiancees (some unlucky ones get flack from both). This is the time for you to stick to your plans and develop a who cares what you think attitude. Smile at their suggestions while thinking to yourself, "I don't care." Then breathe deeply. It'll be all over when the wedding day comes.
You could elope. That's about the only solution. Take your dress and his tux, find a chapel, get married. I doubt you'll ever get family out of this situation. I'm sure you have a lot of emotions going on right now.
Your money, Your wedding, your choice! If they want to expand the guest list, then they can help expand the bank account to help pay for it!!!
Because you are both paying for your wedding, they should butt out but be kind. Let them know that you would love to invite everyone but it's not in the budget. Remind them that it is YOUR wedding ....not their wedding. The wedding is about the two of you uniting as one and mature people should understand that. If they don't.........it's their problem not yours. Be sure to thank anyone who helps with the wedding and make them feel wanted and important. Being kind but firm, will go over better. Best wishes and may you have a long and happy marriage!
You are not wrong for inviting who you wanted to invite. My grandmother did the same to me and I gave in and invited family members whom I had never met in my life. They RSVP'd and didn't even show!! Keep your guestlist the way it is and do not bend for anyone. I learned the hard way. We paid for 16 addtn'l plates for family that didn't come. I was pissed!!
If that's all you can afford, that's all you can afford. There is nothing wrong with having a small wedding and not inviting distant relatives. Don't get me wrong, it's a nice gesture but it would be a bad idea to invite all these people and go into debt just because your family thinks you need to invite EVERYONE to YOUR wedding. And even if you have the money, there is still nothing wrong with what you two want. Just tell them, this is our wedding, we're paying for it ourselves and these are the only people we can include. Maybe add that you would have liked to invite everyone but money is an issue. Also, if you want, you can tell them if they want those other people to be invited that they will have to pay for them otherwise they have no say in anything. Just be straight forward with your decision don't don't give in.
Tell them "look we went over this and decided not to invite them because we cant afford it with the budget we have. If you want them there you pay for them." My bet is there won't be too many offers after that.
Tell your family the discussion is over and if they want to continue to talk about it your going to hang up the phone or walk out on the conversation. If they want more guests there they can pay for it themselves.
Ask the parent if they would like pay to have the ones they want come to the wedding. I am getting married in April and my fiance' has said he was not able to invite the cousins he wanted to his first wedding, because the parents - on both sides - invited all the aunts & uncles and left the cousins out. Ask your parents if there were people at their wedding that would have preferred not to be there and if there were people they would have invited had they had the say, I am sure they answer to both will be Yes! Then tell them that you would like to remember your wedding day in a different way to them!
Its you day and its what you both want stick to your guns. However as the cousin who always not invited(youngest in my family)we now we work on the rule its all or none on the cuz count!
You are completely, spot-on, right. I understand that due to budget, you can't afford to invite just anyone and everyone. It's not your family's right to judge who you invite, especially seeing as they are not contributing to any of the cost. You just need to give them a gentle reminder that the guest list is up to you and you are doing what you want, that you can't afford to invite everyone, that if they give you some money, you can have extra people (they may want to pay for some people) and like you said "my wedding day should be spent celebrating my fiance's and my relationship and commitment....not arguing over distant relatives that didn't get an invitation". Stay firm, it is your wedding, not their's.
Tell them too bad but you are inviting who you want to invite and they should respect that. Why should you invite those you haven't seen or talked to for a long time, if ever? Stand your ground. Its your day.