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Wedding List Problems?

My fiance and I are getting married in April of '08. We just finished with our lists. We both agreed that we wanted a small wedding since we have large families and are on a tight budget. Here is the problem. My mom and grandmother put a list together for me (which made me mad to start with) and my list is now huge compared to his. My fiance made a ton of sacrifices for his list and all I am hearing is "you HAVE to invite this person." We cannot afford it and regardless of what my family says there financial help will be small. Is it rude to not want to invite my grandmother's relatives that I have not seen in 20 years?

Public Comments

They need to realize that this is YOUR wedding! If you two are paying for it, then you guys make YOUR OWN decisions!! Tell your mom and grandma the situation, they should understand where you are coming from! Hope this helps!!
No its not rude its your wedding. If your grandmother wants to invite alot of people tell her she needs to pick up the bill.
no it's not rude . . it's YOUR wedding, which means it's YOUR day . . and you should only invite the people that are closest to you . . and if you haven't seen them in 20 years, how close are you really?? . . . I would say, don't worry about mom and grandmom . . it's your day, so do your thang . . reduce your list and if they ask, tell them you and your fiance came to the decision that each person could only invite "how ever many" people, so some people had to be cut . . . and if they don't understand, tell them to pony up the money to pay for the extra people . . ..
OK, he who is paying makes the list. If your parents are paying they have to let his familly invite as many people as they are inviting. If y'all are paying for your own wedding, tell your parents that you have set a limit to the number of guests invited and you are each inviting half of that amount. Then offer that they can pay $50 per person to you for every extra person they want to invite so you can cover extra invites, a bigger venue, more food, more alcohol. Hell, actually make it $100 per extra person. They will soon see you are only limiting to afford the wedding you want. If not you can get married in Vegas for anywhere form $100 - $1000. I have looked into this seriously.
Definately NOT rude at all. You need to take your list and have your fiance take his and you both sit down together, and figure everything out. Make it even- he gets 50% of the guests and you get 50% of the guests. I know it will be hard and you will hear a lot of criticism but you're going to have to tell your mom to stop. After all, you and your husband do have the last say in all of the decisions.
Rule of thumb when making cuts... If you have not seen or otherwise associated with a person on your list in a year or more they are the first cut. Next would be those you are only "aquaintances" with (sure she may be a great friend of yours at work, but do you associate with her OUTSIDE of the workplace??), last should be close friends and family. If you cannot afford to invite all the people your mother and grandmother want you to invite, TELL them that. Thank them for their list and be sure you send some nice announcements to those people so that they've been included, but they are NOT required to be invited. Announcements DO NOT have to be professional prints, if you remember the person well enough you can send a nice handwritten note "Just wanted to share the happy news..." Weddings are a big deal to many members of society not just your mom and grandma.... love them and forgive them for their behaviour, and then move on with your OWN plans. P.S. it is bad etiquette to invite them to any pre-wedding celebrations if you are not inviting them to the wedding, so do not invite to showers or rehearsals or anything either.
ugh... what a mess. And depending on your culture, it could be even stickier than it appears. If you and your fiance are paying for more than half the wedding expenses, I would say that you have grounds to keep the event small. Sit down with your Mom and Grandmother, tell them that (and I'm making up numbers here) you guys can only afford to invite 100 guests and that he has been able to pair his list down to 50, so you have to do the same. Then show them your list and prioritize. It sounds harsh, but how else do you do it? Immediate family, closest friends, etc etc etc. Try to work in some of their requests, but be clear that you have to stay within your budget and remind them that he has already "cut" people from the big day. Good luck!
you just have to lay down the law! i had the exact same problem. so i just told my mom NO, i'm only inviting close family and friends, even if they are family, if i dont see or talk to them, then they are not invited!!! everyone will get over it.
Explain to them that you are having a small close wedding and that you can't afford to have that many extra people. If they insist upon it them simply state that you don't have the means to have that many extra guests, but if she would like to pay for the costs of having the extra guests than that's fine. Make sure you have a "invoice" ready for her that includes the break down of the cost of food, beverages, and other items that will have to be paid. If they can not afford it then it just can't be done... its not rude of you to not want the extra guests, its your right and your and your husband-to-be's day. for other tips check out the listed web sights below, the have articles that address this same topic. I wish you lots of luck and success with your wedding day, and days after as a married woman!
We had the same problem when my sister got married last year. We had to tell her now husband's mom that she had 4 invites and that was it. If we had to cut down their list so did she. I hate to say it but sometimes you have to be a little tough on people. But at the end of the day you have to think of your financial situation. I hope this helps.
If they want Great Aunt Sue's neice's neice, then let them come up with some money. I just gave my daughter a wedding, we sent out a lot of invites, but they were to people the couple knew and wanted them to come. My daughter's grandmother-in-law wanted to do the same thing, and my mother too..so, we had to have a friendly little chat. No, we aren't inviting people just because.....we were inviting people that the couple wanted there. Now, we did send out invitations to several of the older Aunts and Uncles as a courtsey, but we knew not to expect them. So, no it's not neccessary to invite someone you haven't seen in 20 years. And those people would proably be glad you don't send them an invitation, because they would feel the need to buy a gift for someone that they hadn't seen in 20 years. Tell Mom and Grandma, that you just can't afford to invite everyone, and that you are on a tight budget, and that means limited number of people you are inviting. They are from a time that you sent an invitation to everyone that even remotely was kinned to you. So, please be kind, but you are going to have to hold your ground... God bless us all.... I ordered an extra 20 invitation to please the Grandma-in-law and I didn't recieve any rsvp from any of them, it was a waste of time and money...they proably didn't know who in the world who was inviting to a wedding-so they tossed it in the garbage...
No, it's not rude. It's rude of your mother and grandmother to hijack your guest list and insist that people they know are invited, regardless of your budget and their inability to pay for these people. Unless they are willing to fork over every expense, you need to put your foot down. Tell them you appreciate their help/support during this time; however, it is YOUR ceremony. Let them know that you and your fiance had already discussed the things you wanted, including the number of guests, and you'd like to have a wedding without having to pawn half the stuff you own to do it. Furthermore, you should invite those people who are really connected to you; people you haven't seen in 20 years or have no relationship with don't need to be invited. It's going to be looked at two ways, anyway: they're invited just because they're family, or they're invited for a gift. So, do what's best for you. The golden rule of wedding guest lists: "If they don't pay, they don't say!" Congrats.
You need to set your family straight. They are inviting people they want at the wedding and not looking at it from your point of view. Give them a number and tell them each of them is entitled to bring that many people - No compromise. Explain to them that you guys are having to leave out close friends of yours that you would like to attend and it is your wedding. Maybe you could make it a little easier by saying you will invite them to a shower or something. If you have a heart to heart with them they are bound to understand.
I recently got married and I had the same trouble that you are having. What my husband and I ended up doing was making a list according to our budget (about 100 people). We ended up inviting about 90 1/3 our friends 1/3 my family and 1/3 his. My grandma was furious with me that I didn't invite her brother who I only met once when I was about 8 years old. It was true craziness. Invite the people who are important to you. Do they call you on your birthday? Do you see them during the holidays? If not they are not playing a vital role in your life and don't need to be invited. Good luck resolving this issue!
It's not rude at all if you can't afford it you just can't afford it don't put yourself in a financial bind. Be honest let them know you can't afford to pay for to many people and you only want to invite close friends and family.
It's definitely not rude. In fact your family is the one being a little rude. It's your day. Invite those who you want to share the day with. You don't want to spend the day being introduced to people you want to be relaxed and having fun. Try suggesting that they could have a small party for you after your honeymoon. Or promise to visit them over the next year. They are your family but you will be starting a new family and they need to respect that.
YOUR WEDDING - YOUR CHOICE!!!! do whatever makes you and your fiance happy. yes, your parents may be helping with the finances or whatever, but it's still your wedding...and no it's not a bad thing if you don't want people there you haven't seen in forever or don't know just follow your heart and congratulations!!! <3
The best way to handle guest lists is to divide the list into four parts. Part 1 is the bride's list Part 2 is the groom's list Part 3 is the bride's family's list Part 4 is the groom's family's list After each list is gathered the 4 lists are consolidated down into 2 lists Part A and B. Part A is the absolute have to be there and have to invite list. Part B is the list of other people you wish to invite but can only invite if people on Part A can not attend. Part A should only have people you are close to and a few (usually no more than 5) people from parent's jobs and extended relatives. This helps keep your cost down. As for mom and grandma you have to be firm and give them an exact number they can invite and once that number is filled there is no more adding. Tell them in your sweetest voice they can add more people if they are willing to pay the per cost price for each person they invite. Tell them that cost will include food, favors etc. That usually closes that sunject down quite quickly. Hope it helps.
No, you are not wrong at all. Cut them, and say that (1) you can't afford it and (2) it isn't fair to your groom if you get to invite your great aunt's neice's sister, or whatever, and he can't. Tell them that the two of you have a rule that if you don't both recognize the person in the receiving line, then they can't come.
The age old problem - the guest list! Never fun and always a struggle. The bottom line... when you are paying for the wedding then you have every right to limit the guests. If your mom & grandmother want to add to the guest list (above & beyond your list), then you need to let them know that under no circumstances will you pay for these people. They are basically spending your money. It's always easy to spend other people's money! It's tough because once you start your guest list it's easy to let it get out of control... you invite one and you need to invite another and so on and so forth. Good luck!
It is WAYYYY too early to be planning the specifics of an April 2008 wedding. The only thing you should be doing now is saving up money in the bank. Tell everyone to cool their jets, and you'll met again to dicuss issues in March/April 2007. 12 months is plenty of time to plan. It is always more polite to include as many interested people as possible and provide simpler refreshment at the reception (cake and punch or similar), than it is to serve dinner but have to exclude people from the invitee list. There must be some reason that it is so important to your mom and grandmother that these family people be invited. You should remember that people remember wedding-related "snubs" for generations. It may be important for family peace, that you invite these distant relatives. Don't just think of yourself in this situation. Consider what your grandmother is saying. (They might not even attend-- maybe what is really important is just that the invitation is sent.)
You can't afford it and going in to marriage while going into dept is not a good thing to start out your marriage with your new husband. Have a talk with them, firmly but nicely state that you and your fiance made a list. You did make considerations on their list, but you discussed with with your future husband and still conclude a small wedding is what you two will have. Then maybe think of a way for these other "members" to celebrate. Maybe a second reception or "family gathering" of other relatives being put on by lets say your grandmother/mom at their own expense as yours is at the max limit.
You must realize that a wedding isn't just for the two of you, it's also for your families. It's a time for relatives and friends to get together to celebrate a family occasion. However, since you and your fiance are paying for everything, you have every right to give a "number" to each set of parents, and then have a "number" for each of you for your friends - and that number has to be totalling the amount of guests you can afford to have.
ask yourself this question....... who is getting married? YOU!!!!!!!!!! if you are footing the bill for the wedding or at least the majority of it then put your foot down and tell them no you have planned with a budget and you have invited the ppl you want there and cant afford to have ppl you havent seen in 20 years in that expense. it is your day not theirs...be honest with them.