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wedding guest list issues...help please!!?

my fiance' and I are coming up with our wedding list..we have 180 slots we can feed at the reception..the only problem is we have big families and a lot of them will be disappointed their not invited..Now the ceremony held at the church can hold up to 300 guests..should we invite the people who can come to the reception to the wedding only to avoid conflict or should we invite all our friends and family to the ceremony and just politely let them know they can't come to the reception so they can still see us get married ? I'm sure many of you have been in the same situation..how did you handle it?? thanks for your responses in advance..

Public Comments

1. Its extremely rude to invite someone to a wedding and not the reception. You have a choice to invite the amount of people to the wedding and reception (180) or find a larger venue for the reception. Sorry
2. Hi there yeah I was in the same sistuation and I did invite everyone who's everyone but at the end of the day so many said they were comming and didnt pitch and I had to pay for them all if I had to do it all again I still dont know what Id do cos even though they upset me so much at least I didn't cause any conflict and no one could have blamed me so it's a tough situation to be in I know exactly what you going through I just got married going on a year this Sunday! Good Luck with all the plans :)
3. No it would be really rude to do that to them. Why are you even thinking on doing that. we had that problem also our family together and friends was about 500 so we just work some things out so everyone can come. but if you arnt going to invite them to the ceremony dont invite them to the reception. Think on how you both can work it out a better way. good luck.
4. You can't invite someone to the ceremony and not the reception. Think about how you would feel as a guest in that situation. It would be very awkward. If it's at all possible, see if you can find a bigger venue for your reception. If it would be too expensive to have a larger venue for a full dinner, consider doing a luncheon wedding or a scaled back cake and heavy appetizers menu, but make sure that's made clear to the guests on the RSVP card so they know not to expect a meal. If you can't get a bigger venue, you will need to take a hard look at your invite list and decide who the most important people are to invite, and invite those people. They should be the people closest to you and the ones you most want to share your wedding day with. Yes, you will have some family obligations, but I personally think it's better to invite your best friends than your Cousin Joe twice removed whom you haven't seen in 10 years. Focus specifically on who you want there on your wedding day, and if you're running over because your mom wants to invite her bridge group or your dad wants to invite his golf buddies or your grandmother says you absolutely HAVE to invite Aunt Mary and her 6 children, you need to take a stand. Which faces are the ones you really want to see on your wedding day and 10 years from now when you look at your wedding album? Finally, and many people would consider this tacky, you can do an A list and a B list, but it's VERY tricky and should be carefully handled. If you're still running over on your numbers, send out invitations to fill 180 seats 10-12 weeks before the wedding. Have a second list to fill in as people from the first group decline, but send those invites out no later than 6-8 weeks before the wedding. And make sure that it's not likely that guests will cross paths - for instance, inviting one cousin but not another from the same family. Like I said, it's kind of tacky and easily screwed up, but it can be done. It's probably best to reserve this kind of thing for the non-relative "wish list" guests (like your dad's golf buddies). If you do it, don't discuss it with anyone. Nobody really needs to know that you're doing it, and if anyone asks why someone else got an invitation a month earlier than they did, blame it on the post office. But really, I would try to find a bigger place first before going that route.
5. Cutting the guest list is definitely a hard thing to do, but I think you need to in this situation. You should only invite guests to your ceremony if you can accommodate them at your reception. One way to do this is limit your guest list to only family members of your immediate family, grandparents (great, and great, great), first generation aunts and uncles, children of immediate family, (and maybe first generation cousins if you can accommodate them), close friends who you keep in frequent contact with during the past 12 months, (and maybe close co-workers if you can accommodate them). Family members and friends typically understand that you cannot accommodate everyone. You can always find other ways to include them after your wedding (send them wedding announcements with a picture, share your wedding pictures or video with them when you get them back). The best scenario of course would be to finder a bigger venue and scale back your reception to a more simple menu (cake, punch, finger sandwiches, etc.). But if that's not an option, then you will need to scale back your guest list.
6. its very rude to invite people to the ceremony and not to the reception. i know i personally would be insulted if i recieved an invite like that. there is no polite way to let them know they are not invited to the reception. just cut back your list. start with people that mean the most to you, then if there are left over spots available, add friends or extended relatives. i personally would rather be cut completely from the guest list, than be invited to only one part of the day. its just rude.
7. It is impolite to invite guests to the ceremony and not to the reception. There would be no polite way to tell them that they are good enough to attend the gift giving event but not good enough to feed. Please either find a new reception venue that can hold 300 guests or invite only the number of guests you can afford to host at the reception.
8. I know how you feel!! My fiance and I have a ton of friends and family! My suggestion is this, write down on paper everyone that will be in the wedding party (including their guests), then move on to your family. Save your friends for the very last. And remember, just b/c you work or have worked with them, does not mean you have to invite them! Also, this is your wedding, not some weekend party! Family first, friends last.
9. Send invitations to those people that you are inviting to the ceremony and reception. You cannot limit the number of people that come to the church but are limited by the number of people that can come to the reception venue. I know how you feel about being stuck between a rock and a hard place as I am a newlywed myself and had to limit our guest list to the size of the room (and our budget). We devised a system of A List (those people that absolutely had to be there such as immediate family), B List (family and friends that we hung out with and are close to), and C List (those family members such as cousins that we hardly ever saw and acquaintances that we would love to be there but would understand if we couldn't afford to invite them). The A and B lists went out in the first batch of invitations (send all invitations out on the same day so that relatives don't get their's before others) and as that list RSVP'd that they couldn't make it, then the people on the C list were sent their invitations. As for not hurting feelings, make it clear that you would love to invite everyone but can't due to size limitations. People will understand. I know that this is stressful because you're dealing with feelings.......but take a moment to stop and think about the fact that you're getting married soon! Take a deep breath.....and enjoy the planning......it goes by fast and your wedding day even faster! Hope this helps you...... Congratulations!
10. You invite people to BOTH, not one or the other. Yes, it's tough to pare down a guest list, but either do that or find a different venue.