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Baby Shower: Guest List Etiquette Question - HELP!?

My husband is from Indianapolis, and I am from Birmingham, Alabama; he and I live in Atlanta. All of our family lives out of state (obviously). We are putting together a baby shower guest list, and we are in a quandary on how to handle those aunts out of state who obviously (especially those in Indianopolis, and other midwestern and northern states) will not be able to come to the shower. From "where I am from" you are to never invite someone if you know they will not come, but if I don't invite my husband's Aunts and female cousins, I am afraid they will be offended. Or even some of my family members who I know will not come, I am afraid I will still offend them b/c etiquette for things like this are sort of forgotten. What do I do? My Mother-n-Law says to invite them, and if anyone gets bent out of shape over it then that is their issue b/c my heart is in the right place. Can anyone advise? PS - I am posting this in etiquette and in the pregnancy section. Okay let me specify (which is VERY sad that I have to do this - GEEEEES). Three good friends are throwing me the shower, and they have asked for my address guest list. And read the question carefully - we are putting together a "baby shower guest list" not a baby shower.

Public Comments

1. I was always under the impression you would invite everyone even if they cant come because its better to know that you were wanted there. Plus wont they send a gift for you if they cant attend? I'd invite them and not worry about anything else.
2. You're giving yourself a baby shower? And you're worried about etiquette? I don't know about Atlanta but in the NorthEast it is totally wrong to give yourself a shower. Someone in your husband's family should give you a shower in Indianapolis and someone in your family should give you one in Birmingham. The coming holidays make a good excuse to go home and be available to attend.
3. I would still invite them. I think it would be the right thing to do. So you don't make them feel left out. My cousin lives in London and I in Australia. My sister and cousin are close. For both of her baby showers I sent her an invite. She thanked me profusley that I didn't leave her out. I kew she couldn't come but still wanted to include her. I did the same thing when it was my daughters 1st birthday. She loved the fact that she was still included.
4. According to Miss Manners, only those who are not related to the mother to be should be throwing a baby shower to begin with. As far as etiquette goes, I would say that you have already missed it on that one, but I think if you want to throw yourself a baby shower, then by all means do. For your relatives that you know won't be able to attend, you could send them invitations with a note included saying something like "I know and am sorry that you won't be able to attend our baby shower, but I just wanted you to know that I'm thinking about you and want to share this special time with you" or something like that. This way you would still be including them, but acknowledging that you don't expect them to be there. Best of luck with your baby and your shower.
5. I am pretty sure that the polite thing to do is to invite them. Send an invitation, and a hand written not that says: "I know you might not be able to come, but I just wanted to let you know that I was thinking of you. love, Me."
6. Invite all those who would be invited no matter what. State you know she may not be able to attend, so offer to take either tapes or pictures to send , so the event can still be shared. Tell everyone how much you would want her presence, but you know it is impossible. Remind her she is still important in your thoughts and you hope you are in her's as well. Promise to spread the newa as soon as possible after Baby comes. I hope this will help you you, congrats on your coming child.
7. It is bad etiquette to throw a shower for yourself. That is the job of friends and family. Its like saying "I am having a party, bring gifts". Not very classy. Sorry.
8. Invite them all. Just for fun why don't you ask one of the relatives in their area/s to have a party on the same day. They could put a picture of you up and play games etc. Have a shower by proxy. Any gifts that they might want to give could be put in a parcel, or instead of gifts they could put in vouchers that would be easier to send. This way everyone knows that you wanted them to be there but knew they couldn't travel and they won't miss out on the fun. it might seem silly but I think it would be fun, and an aunt, cousin or friend that might have normally thrown you a party might like to do it this way. Try it and see what happens, it can't hurt.
9. Yikes, You got torn a new one just for asking a question! I am so sorry that so many people can not read and are just plain rude! Let me tell you though, I am married to a MD so when it comes to etiquette he pretty much wrote the book on it. If I had a friend who was throwing herself a party (which I know you are NOT) then I would not find it tacky or offensive that I she invited me herself. I would actually ask if she could use a lending hand with the final touches of planning it. So these prudes on here need to lighten up! Anyways, back to the question... I would try to invite only the people who I know will be able to make it, who are only 1-2 hours away. For the ones who are long distance, send them a birth announcement when the baby is born. Obviously a cousin in law will not fly in to a baby shower unless they have no life. Good luck with your shower and I hope you have a wonderful rest of your pregnancy.