Latest Lists

Do you think this is Okay?

This is my English homework. Please keep in mind that I am only thirteen years old, so I don't have advanced standards like some of you might. So, just tell me if you think it's Okay, and constructive criticism is welcome. Dear Diary, Today was the same. I told Jasmine that it would be Okay. That everything will all work itself out and go back to how it was before. But I know she doesn’t believe it. I don’t either. I wish I could do more for her. She’s my little sister and everytime I look into her eyes, I can see the pain she’s suffering from all the arguing and shouting. I just want her to be happy. Like all the other kids in her class. The other day, she asked me if I was Okay. I took a moment answering her. Was I Okay? Was I, really? No. No, I wasn’t. But I can’t make things worse for her. I just smiled and said yes, Of Course I was Okay. I don’t like lying to her, but these days, it seems to be necessary. My friends have sensed a difference in me, a hollow emptiness, and they’ve asked me if anything was a matter. I’ve told them not to worry, that everything was fine and I was just tired. Only Jasmine knows the truth. Sometimes I wish I could just fly away. When I was little, I used to have this box. On it was painted rainbows and birds, butterflies and magic wands. When I was angry with my mum or my dad, I would sit in my box and close my eyes, and pretend to fly away to a place where nobody except me could go, where no one could hurt me. But I’m not a little girl anymore and I can’t pretend. Everyday, my parents fight about something different. And when they’re not shouting at eachother, a cold silence fills the house. Mum screamed at Dad that their marriage was a mistake. Does that mean I’m a mistake? That I’m not supposed to be here? Dad hates Mum. He said so. He said that he was stupid to have ever gotten involved with a woman like her. But I’m part of my mum. And I’m part of my Dad. Does that mean that they hate me? I usually rely on my iPod to get me through the day when they fight. I can play my songs. At least the words to the songs are predictable; I know what’s going to be sung and when the song’s going to finish. But when my mum and dad start fighting, you don’t know what harsh remarks they’ll throw at eachother and you certainly don’t know when they’ll stop. Why can’t they stop? My friends are always complaining that they hate their parents. That their parents have grounded them because they were late home or hit their little brother or sister. I would gladly swap with them. If I was late home, my mum wouldn’t ground me because she wouldn’t have noticed that I was ever gone. And I would certainly never hit Jasmine. Why can’t I do more for Jasmine? I’m supposed to protect her, but I’m not doing that much of a good job. If it were a dream, mum, dad, Jasmine and I would all be a happy family. Dad would come home from work and smile at mum and give her a kiss on the cheek while I’m doing my homework at the table and Jas is watching telly. We would go on exotic holidays like Greece and Spain, France and Italy. I would come home from my friend’s house to a Sunday roast where everyone is laughing and chatting happily. If it were a dream mum would be washing the dishes and singing while I told her about my day at school. If it were a dream. Please tell me what you think! By the way, the homework was that we had to make a diary entry of conflict, of how a child might feel if their parents were constantly fighting.

Public Comments

1. Damn this depressed me. Lol. I loved it by the way. I'mnot good at constrcuctive criticism. sorry but i really loved it. thanks for sharing that.
2. I think it fits your assignment nicely. :-) You might think of some way to tie in the beginning idea of the entry (that everything will be okay) to the ending. For example, you might add on a sentence saying, "Like I tell Jasmine, though, everything is going to be okay." The idea you have at the end of living a dream is nice, but it's an idea that is used a lot, so it may be something your teacher has seen a lot of.