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Stay at home mom overwhelmed?

I don't know if I'm crazy or what but my husband can't understand me. Let me start of by saying that I am a stay at home mom of our 10 month old daughter. I've always worked before. My daughter is breastfed and super attached to me. She doesnt crawl, doesn't like her walker for more than 10 minutes and will not play by herself. She also cosleeps and wants to pacify on me all night. I am overwhelmed and so tired. I feel like I work 24/7! During the day i can't go to the a bathroom without her throwing a fit. Not to mention taking a shower or making breakfast or lunch. I eat something fast while holding her in my arms. I also run a small part time business (from home) and help husband with his (do all his accounting, advertising, admin, etc). I keep on asking for me time for some rest but the exuse is that she's breastfed and he can't soothe her. On top of all this hubby wants an hour per day to study for some exam. Even worse he told my uncle (who by the way looks down on women including my auntie) to tell me 'hey you should watch the baby and have your husband study once daily for an hour uninterrupted by you and the baby' Thats what made it worse. that he discussed it with someone else without asking me! Well he knew that it wasn't right to ask me since i am overwhelmed as is and can't wait sometimes for him to get home just to keep an eye on the baby so i can prepare dinner and take a shower. By the way hubby doesn't know how to cook ANYTHING, doesn't help out with household things at all. Am I at wrong for feeling upset? Its not that I don't want him to study for an hour its that I need a break too but it never about me ever. Not to even mention that I am loosing so much hair. I've never lost this much hair and know it can happen postpartum but that already happened. Its gotta be all the stress. I can't pick up enough hair pieces off of my shirt BTW - freezing food sounds good but hubby will not eat frozen foods :( go figure He'd rather go buy but then whine about me not cooking afterwords...

Public Comments

try to get him to help more...
no
Part of your responsibility to your daughter is to teach her to be independent. She needs to learn to calm herself, so its time to stop co-sleeping and using you to pacify herself. She will be fine and you will get more sleep and be able to function better. Your husband needs to take her more so that he can bond with her. Its good for her to have you both. Know what I did in your situation? I hired a neighborhood girl (my hubby was useless too), and she came over for 1 hr. a day, if she could. I got things done, I exercised, I got some me time. You could do this and so could your hubby so he can study. It can't all be about his needs, you need help too, and forget the stupid comments from the uncle. These issues can lead to divorce.
OK well to a point you have made a rod for your own back you have not let anyone else pacify or feed the baby i breastfed 3 babies, and although super close to me, and they still are, as teens, i also expressed milk, one-so their father could have the experience and enjoyment that i had, and two-to have that 15 minutes to myself, to have a shower, a coffee in quite time, to go into the garden just to sit etc you are however hampered by your husband, and his familys archaic notions that mother brings up the baby he should never ever have taken this outside the home, and spoke to all and sundry about it, however, i feel he did this, knowing they would back his outdated notions you have to reign this in, and now but you have taken 10 months to get to this stage, it wont fix overnight firstly you need to talk to him, get him to come to you to talk, not go to his family etc secondly he has to be more involved with the baby express milk, let him feed the baby, change the baby, bond and play with them you have this within you to fix, baby steps, pardon the pun your baby should be at least crawling, you have made this so they cannot be without you is it because you feel the need to be needed? it should be your husband who makes you feel like that, a baby does anyway, automatically you ARE overwhelmed, but you dont need to be let hubby help out and perhaps a female friend or family member a baby is part of a family not one sole carer
I would be mad . He obviously doesnt understand what you do all day i guess ... I think a lot of guys assume that motherhood is something that comes easily to women by nature and they can blow off the tantrums and the never ending attention a toddler needs . I have no answer other than trying to make him understand. Im a guy and I can see how you would feel .
Rather than be resentful towards your husband, you should focus your energy on loving your child. Pretty soon your child will learn to crawl and walk. This is the first step towards independence. Then before you know it. she will ask for the keys to the car, and then you have really lost her. Sure, right now it is overwhelming, and you feel consumed. It will get easier, and your hormones will return to normalcy, probably after you stop breast-feeding. As for your husband, I would suggest that from time to time, you just ask him to watch his daughter so you can run an errand. You can't spend 24/7 with someone who is needy and attached without feeling some resentment. Heck imagine being around your husband like that! It sounds to be like your husband might come from a chauvinistic upbringing, but you already knew that. Remember this, he didn't change when you got married, and he ain't gonna change because you had a child. Well maybe, there might be hope for him, but you will have to make it a gradual change. The child is both of yours, and he should take an integral part in the responsibility. The key is to cherish, yes I know it is hard, your child all the time. Thank God that she is healthy, thank God for the blessing, and the fact that you are at least afforded the opportunity to remain at home with her in her infant stage.
Do I hear your pain! You Do need a break! Your husband is selfish and doesn't realize all and what you do during the day. The baby is very co-dependent upon you. Know that once you stop nursing she will be easier to handle, however, you need to try to get her in her own bed so that you can get a better night's sleep. It will take some doing such as putting her in bed, she cries, you let her cry for a short period, go in, comfort her, tell her she is all right, repeat this but with more time in between letting her cry. This may take hours, but it must be done or you will end up with a baby in between you and your husband the next couple of years. Sit down with hubby and explain how you feel. If you have already done this, I would suggest a babysitter or a relative to come over and give you a few hours to yourself. Unfortunately, you are going to end up resenting your husband down the line for not caring or being supportive for your need to have some down-time. I would also suggest some sort of counseling through a professional or clergy. You have issues, he doesn't see or want to see how stressed you are and it is not going to resolve itself. Best to you!
I feel sorry for you BUT there are ways to work around this. No you are not wrong to feel this way. Tell your husbands uncle to shut that big hole in his face and dont worry about what pple say as they dont know your situation. You husband may have not meant anything bad by telling his stupid uncle. Girl, you need to teach your child to be a little more independent. My girl friends kid was such an attention seeker and needed mommy every single second. Kids are very smart. Stop giving into her even if that means shes cries. Let her cry, when she gets tired she will stop and realise that her constantly whining when your not around will not work. Secondly, organise your days. Like spend one whole day to cook and cook many dishes for the week and freez some for the next couple of days, in that way your not having to cook everyday. Then set aside one day for laundry, vaccuming cleaning etc. in the same way organise your day. Get your baby toys or cartoons that she will love and keep her occupied. Can you not leave her in child care or with a relative for one or two days in the week so you can help your husband with his work and do your work. Prioritise, dont do more than you can and put your foot down with your husband and get him to help. Can your husband not delay his study for a year till your baby is a little older. Sit with your husband and tell him how your feeling (exagerate a bit and say you are close to a nervous break down to scare him). work out a plan to accomodate both your lives. Good luck and take care before you burn out!!!
You have the right to be feeling upset.Tell him to give you a break for awhile.Remind him that it is his child as well.Start by letting him wash a load of shitty nappies one day.He will soon realize how easy he has it.
I think your taking on too much so you can either pare down your responsibilities or look into finding someone to help out. If you can afford it look for a mommy's helper. Some one for a few hours a day/week during the daytime to watch the baby and help you clean while you get a shower, some errands or a nap. Or a part-time/freelance assistant for your husband (and your) businesses. I get the it's never about me, I've got four (all under four) and husband in medical school. You've just got to figure a way to make the time for you happen yourself, get a pump, teach him to feed the baby. The more he interacts with her (and tries to soothe her) the more comfortable she's going to be with him. Help him learn the various holds and activities that she enjoys, so that he can successfully help you with his time.
you are trying to do it all and are getting frustrated. I totally understand. First things first. You and the baby. Put her down in the livingroom, or other child proof room, spread out a blanket and some toys, and walk out of the room. Walk out of the room. and wait 30 seconds. go back in. keep doing it, make a game of peek a boo out of it. but each time stay out a few moment longer. She will see that you come back and not be so fussy. Then work up to a few minutes, say long enough to go pee by yourself. And if she cries for a minute so what, she is in a baby-safe room, and cannot get hurt. It is not just her being clingy, it is you being clingy. yup, i said it, mothers can be just as bad as ababies. As for your husband, Make the baby a bottle, pump milk, use water or juice. And walk away. He needs to learn how to care for her himself. If you never let it happen , it will never happen. DOnt worry so much, he will figure it out his own way. As for him not helping around the house. Go on a housecleaning boycott. Do not pick up after him, do not cook for him, do not do his laundry. Just take care of yours and the babys. Tell him you are too busy, and if he wants those things he better get up and do them himself. He will soon realise just how much you do . Giving him time to study when he cannot reciprocate is bullshit. He is not more important. You are equal. If he wants an hour to himself, then he gives you an hour to yourself. Night time feedings. boobs are not binkys, and if you keep doing it it will never end. get a pacifier for her, and let her get back to sleep without a boob in her mouth.
first CALM down,the baby might pick up on your nervous energy and thatswhy she acts this way....WHEN you feel more relaxed just start by doing some simple breathing-exercises/yoga,you can do it together with baby you will feel more relaxed and hopefully baby will notice and will be able to sleep some more in daytime,this is your time to rest too.I know for us mums it aint fair especially the first 2 years but hey they grow up too fast so try to enjoy this special time in your life and maybe should stop trying to help out hubby as he cant do any chores for you why should you do for him,concentrate on your baby and yourself for now and see how to mingle and mix when the baby is just a bit older....they change quickly in a matter of months but REALLY HEAD COOL ok. As for the baby to be more active never STOP talking,just talk the whole day and with a nice smooth voice,not tired and stressed-out as you probably feeling inside. for babies keep it nice,easy and simple and what you give and feel is what they give....
Being a stay at home mom is possibly one of the toughest jobs out there. . . SERIOUSLY! I have a 3 year old a 20 month old and I am due on the 30th, so trust me I understand. That being said, I know that your husband probably thinks that he is doing a lot too (though I don't think that it compares with raising your child) and he probably is. I would let him know that you appreciate all that he is doing for you and the baby. Then I would let him know that if you are to do the best job that you can for you, him, and the baby, you really need some ME time. Even if it is only for 30 minutes at first. You can work your way up. Your daughter is very attached to mommy, but needs to have some alone time with daddy to bond anyway. It is a learning process for both of them and may take a little time for it to go smoothly. What a perfect opportunity for you to get away for a little bit! Even if is just in the backyard or going on a walk (or getting some much needed sleep!). Moms need a break too and try to get dad (I am sure you have) to understand how important HIS role is in raising a daughter. Good luck, I hope that helps.
Hubby already keeps up his part of the bargain. Now you are the one with the problem
get a breast pump and store up that milk. then he can help feed her too. put her in a walker and let her cry it out. when she wants out. if you keep allowing her to be attached to you at the hip you are going to have a 10 year old daughter that controls your every move. its not cruel or mean to make her learn that mommy doesn't have to be her resting spot all day every day
Of course your husband can;t soothe the baby..you have taught her that Mommy is the only one to answer all her needs, even if she old enough to answer a few of her own needs herself! You rarely put her down, she can;t even sleep alone in her own bed, she suckles all night when she's far too old for that...you have taught her to be totally reliant on you for everything, event to the point where she doesn;t even crawl! Do you ever put her down at all????? Is she always glued to you? You have conditioned her to be 'super-attached' to you so what do you expect? When has she ever been taught self reliance and some independence? I've raised 4 kids from the time I gave them life to adult hood...they were all breastfed until age 14 months. The last two were 23 months apart....NOT by design lol. You have created your own Monster. Your daughter hasn't learned to self-amuse and that's BAD. She hasn't learned that she's NOT an extension of Mommy and when Mommy goes away, Mommy always comes back and that's BAD....she hasn't learned to get herself back to sleep by herself and that's BAD....she hasn't even learned to sleep by herself.....BAD..... You have a baby girl.....you are creating a leech...it's NOT the child's fault, she knows no better...you probably ran to answer her every whim, for heaven forbid should Baby-Girl be uncomfortable, or upset....but how will she learn proper coping mechanisms and self-reliance if she never experiences having to deal with being upset/uncomfortable???? This should have started long before now, after age 3 months and done gradually so Baby didn't realize what was going on. The time has come to..... 1) Put her in her safe place (play-pen, crib) when you need to use the bathroom....leave the door open if need be...IGNORE the 'FIT". No child ever died from throwing a temper tantrum. If she throws up do to her working herself up, just clean it up and make no issue of it. 2) You eat while holding her? WTF?????? PUT THAT CHILD IN HER HIGH CHAIR! Give her a meal while you eat yours, put some milk in a sippy-cup &let her amuse herself while learning how to self wean onto it.., let her munch some plain Cherios..what is the matter with you....ditto when you prepare meals..in the playpen/high chair she goes! ignore the fuss...eventually she will stop. 3)NO MORE CO-SLEEPING...and Mommy's boobs are not Baby's binky.....at 10 months she does NOT need to be nursed at all during the night, she should be sleeping thru the night IN HER OWN BED! The sugars from the breast milk are bad to be laying about inside her mouth during the night-she can end up with tooth decay in her baby teeth-you do brush the teeth she has, right? Plus when it comes time to potty train, you'll have a constantly wet kid all night long from a bladder that's always full... At 10 months she should be napping...the perfect time to prep dinner and put into the fridge to be pulled out and cooked later, and to take care of other quick chores.....GET YOURSELF & THE CHILD ON A SCHEDUAL......NOW! Make it flexible & you will be surprised ow smooth the day goes... ..and I do HOPE she has a set bed-time...if not, GET ONE! DO NOT LAY DOWN WITH HER 'till she falls asleep...bad habbit...have a nice bedtime routine, then good night, pop her into HER BED and that's it. She will howl for the first few nights....let her. It may sound cruel, but what you are doing is far worse, beleive me. This child will never learn to be independent (she doesn;t even crawl!) and self reliant if Mommy does EVERTHING.....think about it.