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PLEASE Help me with Mom!!! So sad!!!?

Hey guys, Sorry for the long description but I have a lot to say so please bear with it and contribute some advice if you can! So I am 21 years old and I am currently in college right now and it is my senior year. Basically, I lived at home for 3 years because I couldn't afford to live on my own yet. Also, I am one of those people who can't study and have a job at the same time because I need to study a lot to do well. However, I work during the summers and during breaks because I usually pay for everything myself. I currently have a 3.1 GPA and I am also in one of the top 10 business schools in the nation. For my senior year, I have decided to move out because I can't stand my mom anymore and I feel she is causing me undue stress. For example, she at least tells me 4 times a week while we're having dinner that my business degree is literally crap and that I will never have a job after college. She then goes on and says that my parents wasted tuition money on my degree and that I will never get a job after college or even earn as much as a doctor or pharmacist. She then always talks about how other people she knows kids have graduated with a biology degree or from med school and how great they are. In addition to that, even though I am 21, she never lets me hang out with my friends. I couldn't even attend one of my friend's graduation party because she wanted to keep me at home and she wouldn't even give me a valid reason why she wanted me home. She is always constantly yelling at me and always brings up my girlfriend in conversations because she hates her and always saying how horrible she is when in reality she's really not. Also, this summer my mom told me to get an internship and now that I got one she also puts me down on that to. Every time I go into work, she thinks I'm hanging out with my friends or something. Same case with the school year. Whenever I'm studying until 2 or 3 in the morning at the library, she always thinks I'm out with my girlfriend when in fact I am studying my butt off. My dad can't do anything about it because my mom gets seriously depressed when things don't go her way and she lays in bed all day so my dad can't go into work. My mom is very sweet outside to other people but inside the family it's tearing apart. Both my parents love my brother though because he is going to become an engineer just like my dad. He gets to move out next year because he has to go to a college that is not in town. I feel my mom does not act her age at all. Do you guys agree? She even once cheated on my dad and blamed it all on me. I had a test the next day after our family found out my mom had an affair and I got a C on that because what my mom said stung. My mom is always threatening to cut off my tuition to if I don't obey all her stupid rules. I literally stay in my room all day on weekends because my mom doesn't work weekends and I usually just sleep for 15 hours because I am really bored at home but my mom won't let me see my friends at all because she always says family comes first. Since I am moving out next year, my parents refuse to pay for my housing. What jobs can I do to make good money and not work as many hours but still pay for rent and utilities? I used to lie a lot in high school which was 3 years ago and my parents still don't trust me even though I have not told any lies when they asked what I've been up to. I've tried talking to my mom about this reasonably but every time we end up yelling at each other because talking to her is like talking to a wall. It won't budge. Do you guys think my mom is unreasonable and too controlling? I want to enjoy my senior year making my own choices so do you think I should move out? How do I fix things with a mother like this who does not think logically? Please help!

Public Comments

i do not think your mom is too controlling. yes you should move out,. your mother doesn't need fixing. if you move and they told you ahead of time they would not give you money for housing, you are out of luck. if you are being supported by someone else, you play by their rules or pay your own way!!! if you don't like it, support yourself!!! that's what growing up is all about!!!
Try not to let anyone put you down on your choice of work or career. Even if you pick the 'best of the best' of careers (whatever that is) there is usually always competition in the job sphere and no guarentees. Plus you are the one who will be doing the job, no-one else so you might as well enjoy it. By all means take on board peoples opinions and suggestions because they can give guidance. But what's the point in studying something that someone tells you to (even if they mean well) but in the end you don't like it. So good for you on doing what you want and studying so hard. I'm sorry about all the stress you are going through. Maybe you'll have to pick a part-time weekend or evening job. Any experience you can gain is good plus good references to help you get slightly better paid jobs. You will just have to keep looking for things. Maybe it would help to save up some money in the meantime before you move out? Also look at tips to economise for when you have moved out e.g. how to cook, what things to buy etc. Good luck
Not only do I think your mother is being unreasonable, but I also think she is jealous of the opportunities you will gain by obtaining your degree. Whatever her reasons, she is being unfair, and placing you in a negative position where you can possibly fail in school. Congratulations on the "B" average, that is great! Especially under the circumstances you are in at home. My advice is to try to ignore your mom's hurtful; words and realize she is speaking emotionally rather than factually. Stay away from her in order not to hear her mean words and continue on with your goals and education.A business degree can open all kinds of managerial positions, that is if you do not want to go into business for yourself. Do not let these untrue words put doubt in your heart and continue on. Whenever possible move away from your mom's home, and tell her how she hurt you and that if she continues to say mean things that you will curtail your contact with her. Please say this as lovingly as possible, she might hear you. Good Luck!
I think your mother is controlling and immature. It seems you're a great daughter to me. You're an adult now and she has no right to treat you that way. I would move out and I know what your parents will do if you did but what can you do. I rather be happy. Get a waitressing job and move in with a roommate. Good luck..
Your mother is very controlling isn't she and your father has let you down by not controlling this situation at home,But what you need to do is take your life by two hands and go for it, they will get over it and you will be allot happier,
Yes I think you should move out. Your Moms problems sound like they run a litter deeper than she admits. If she has depression there is help for that. Don't ruin your life go and enjoy. Look into student loans. Go to the guidance office at your school and ask them to help you. They have contacts and a wealth of information for you. I wish you luck. I love my Mom very much but she is a controlling person, I am going to be 57 years old and widowed and she still tries to control. Don't let this happen to you.
You need to move out. Could you live on campus for your last year? It'll be easier on you and it might be more cost effective then getting a apartment. If you can't move onto campus and have to get an apartment consider getting a roommate or two. The fact of the matter is you will be able to get a job with your degree. I would also suggest to you to try to raise your gpa and go to grad school, you'll do so much better with a masters, but you will still do ok with your degree if that's all you want. I do think she is being unreasonable, but again I only have your side of the story and not hers. It's going to be hard to work out your relationship issues with your mother, but you are going to have to. I would say you should try going to family therapy. Your mother might have some deeper issues going on then the stuff that you are seeing. While you are doing your internship this summer get another job that you can make work with your internship schedule and work like crazy and save as much as you can. You could be a bartender or wait tables for money. Depending on where you live, you might be able to make enough so that you only have to work part time during your next year in school. Good luck to you.
She sounds a lot like my mom, very controlling and childish with crazy rules that make no sense at all. I say deal with it till you are done with school....you've done it this long, so what's one more year? You will be able to save your hard earned cash on a place of your own once you are out of school rather than worrying about shacking up with the wrong roommate who could take your credit card while you sleep and ruin your credit so that your chances of ever having a nice place to live will seem like a pipe dream. Yes, that's happened to me because I wanted out of my crazy home so bad I jumped at the first chance I got. If I could take it all back, I would have stayed home, finished school, got the job they told me I would never get (by the way, use that as your ammunition to excel) and make a splash in the real world after school with good credit and a sense of accomplishment. Since you are able to study hard due to your mom not working on the weekends, you should utilize that time to your advantage and give it all you got. You can do one more year of hard time. I'm 30 years old now and still have bad credit cause of that idiot move I made but the problems with my mom got better after I moved many states away, and we have a much healthier relationship now that I'm not in the same house as she. Well, I wish you the best of luck. Let us know how things turn out years from now when you have spread your wings to fly!
Your mom sounds very unreasonable,n ot only that she sounds like she has some kind of mental problem.
Well, yes she is unreasonable, but I can understand why she doesn't trust you. She thinks you're out doing things because you use to lie a lot, and she still sees you as a liar. But insofar as blaming you for everything, that is wrong. She isn't willing to accept her own guilt, and probably sees herself as completely innocent of any wrong doing. When someone is especially feeling guilty (especially about someone in particular) they put the most blame on them. It could be she is saying your degree is stupid because she either knows something you don't (like my brother got a computer degree, mom kept trashing it, and then it turned out it was the WRONG type of computer degree, it was a computer degree for working on factory machines). Or it could be she just doesn't want you to leave home, so that she can have someone to continually trash talk.