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Need Help with Crazy Asian Mom! PLEASE HELP!!!?

Hey guys, Sorry for the long description but I have a lot to say so please bear with it and contribute some advice if you can! So I am 21 years old and I am currently in college right now and it is my senior year. Basically, I lived at home for 3 years because I couldn't afford to live on my own yet. Also, I am one of those people who can't study and have a job at the same time because I need to study a lot to do well. However, I work during the summers and during breaks because I usually pay for everything myself. I currently have a 3.1 GPA and I am also in one of the top 10 business schools in the nation. For my senior year, I have decided to move out because I can't stand my mom anymore and I feel she is causing me undue stress. For example, she at least tells me 4 times a week while we're having dinner that my business degree is literally crap and that I will never have a job after college. She then goes on and says that my parents wasted tuition money on my degree and that I will never get a job after college or even earn as much as a doctor or pharmacist. She then always talks about how other people she knows kids have graduated with a biology degree or from med school and how great they are. In addition to that, even though I am 21, she never lets me hang out with my friends. I couldn't even attend one of my friend's graduation party because she wanted to keep me at home and she wouldn't even give me a valid reason why she wanted me home. She is always constantly yelling at me and always brings up my girlfriend in conversations because she hates her and always saying how horrible she is when in reality she's really not. Also, this summer my mom told me to get an internship and now that I got one she also puts me down on that to. Every time I go into work, she thinks I'm hanging out with my friends or something. Same case with the school year. Whenever I'm studying until 2 or 3 in the morning at the library, she always thinks I'm out with my girlfriend when in fact I am studying my butt off. My dad can't do anything about it because my mom gets seriously depressed when things don't go her way and she lays in bed all day so my dad can't go into work. My mom is very sweet outside to other people but inside the family it's tearing apart. Both my parents love my brother though because he is going to become an engineer just like my dad. He gets to move out next year because he has to go to a college that is not in town. I feel my mom does not act her age at all. Do you guys agree? She even once cheated on my dad and blamed it all on me. I had a test the next day after our family found out my mom had an affair and I got a C on that because what my mom said stung. My mom is always threatening to cut off my tuition to if I don't obey all her stupid rules. I literally stay in my room all day on weekends because my mom doesn't work weekends and I usually just sleep for 15 hours because I am really bored at home but my mom won't let me see my friends at all because she always says family comes first. Since I am moving out next year, my parents refuse to pay for my housing. What jobs can I do to make good money and not work as many hours but still pay for rent and utilities? I used to lie a lot in high school which was 3 years ago and my parents still don't trust me even though I have not told any lies when they asked what I've been up to. I've tried talking to my mom about this reasonably but every time we end up yelling at each other because talking to her is like talking to a wall. It won't budge. Do you guys think my mom is unreasonable and too controlling? I want to enjoy my senior year making my own choices so do you think I should move out? How do I fix things with a mother like this who does not think logically? Please help!

Public Comments

1. That's too much to read. Y!A people like it short haha but umm from what I read you need to tell her to back off.
2. If you want them to support you, listening to this is the price you pay. I suggest you make a calendar with the days from now until you can be free. Count the days and check them off as they pass. So you will know you aren't in this forever. Spend time in your room studying and making specific plans for the future. Look for job opportunities in your field. Of course you will get a job!!! Your mother may be at that time of life when her hormones are going crazy. Ignore her all you can, don't challenge her.
3. Your mom is very controlling and unreasonable. I have a strict Mom and I live at home but now that I am in college she treats me as an adult. I don't have a job either because I am always studying and I just got a 4.0 in school this semester lol sorry im so excited. Anyway, i think as hard as it is you will need to prove to your mother you are an adult by moving out and becoming independent. A good job may be to work with your school. There are usually a lot of good on campus jobs. Or even mowing lawns on the side because you get like $45 for one lawn and if you do that on the weekends that would be good. Try getting a job like at the mall or a restraunt and save save save this whole summer and have money to spend on your apartment for next semester in school. Idk, good luck with everything and sometimes the best thing to do is to sit down with your mom and have a talk with her so she knows your serious about your feelings. I know its hard but you have to remember that your mom is on your side and will want to understand you. good luck!
4. My parents kicked me out of college and the apartment they were paying for because I stopped going because my depression and PTSD was eating me alive. I would've been a suicide if my girlfriend hadn't agreed to rent an apartment with me... I had no work skills and no social skills and my parents just left me to die like they already killed my suicided sister a couple years earlier. You're on your way to the same end if you don't become independent of your parents. Critical and controlling parents create dependency in their children and you have to fight it because otherwise you're not going to be able to live with two impossible desires: to please your parents/earn their love, and to please yourself/live your life. The choice is obvious to me but it probably isn't to you: You have to give up the idea of ever earning your parents love or respect. You don't need those things. Your dreams and your happiness are more important. Until you realize this you'll be caught in this dilemma which has led many before you to suicide. Leave them behind, forgive them as the flawed (hateful, frightened, controlling, archaic) people they are, and become independent.
5. yeah i'm asian too, and yeah my mother does do some of those things too...but not that extreme. i know that from the bottom of my heart that she does this because she loves me and wants whats best for me. i know that when your mother doesn't get her way...it's hard on her...but she has to understand that sometimes you have to take control of your own life.
6. Your Mom sounds a little like my Mom. My Mom's mother died in her arms when she was 6 years old. Mom had to go live with an Aunt who was very mean to her (Mom had 4 sisters). As a single parent, the Aunt had no option for making money other than to make the girls work (back during the 1930's depression). But that's a long story. Anyway, Mom married my Dad when she was very young (about 14-15) - (to get a home of her own?). My sister was allowed to go away for college when I was in the 6th grade. But she got married (back in 1966?) and at that time, it meant she got kicked out of nursing school. She started another nursing school, but they would give her no credit for the classes she had previously taken - so she had to start classes all over. After a year, she was pregnant and had to drop out (no pregnant students allowed). So, from the time I was in the 7th grade - my Mom told me every day that she would never allow me to screw up my life like my sister. That I had to stay home if I went to college. In junior high and high school I was not allowed out of the house with my friends and NO DATING! I finished high school and took the college tests and scored in the top 1% in the nation. Mom didn't care. I had no money and the only way I could go to college was to stay at the house and attend day classes. I worked at the college in the computer center and paid all of my college bills - but I could not afford to rent a place of my own. I was not allowed to date during college either (1969-1972). After college, I moved to another city, got a job and started DATING! Boy was I out of place, I had a grade school person's experience level when it came to dating and I was in a crowd of divorcees. Took me about 10 years to catch up in dating before I finally got married. On my wedding day, as we were waiting for the preacher - my Mom told me I would always regret getting married and leaving her. Mom passed away about 4 years ago. So, I have seen a lot of what you're seeing now. You Mom is very insecure and is getting her (only?) enjoyment in life thru what she can make you do. Why you and not your brother? Who knows. You will not be able to change her views and she will never be happy. You (both of you) will just learn to accept that. You cannot "fix it". Your Mom has a mental condition - just like my Mom did. If you can afford it, I would move out. Try to find someone you could live with as a roommate. Remind your Mom that she is allowing your brother to move out when he goes to college. I worked for the college - on college work-study. Because of that, my work-hours was fitted in between classes. Often times, there was no work to be done - so I was able to do my homework while at school (and got paid while doing it). Its not great money, but it would free up after class time in case you needed to find another part-time job so you could afford having an apartment. Try to get an apartment where you can use public transportation to get to/from school and your job, its a lot cheaper than trying to own and maintain a car. What your Mom is doing is trying to protect you from live by keeping you under her control. Problem with that, she will not be with you 24 hours/day * 7 days a week. So you need to learn to do things on your own. Good luck. It will be difficult and your Mom will never give up on trying to control your destiny. Its like she's not happy with her life (being married, and her job) so she tries to control your.