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pros and cons about asking for money at your wedding?

Well, you can see from my last question that my fiancee and I are going to marry next year and we decided no to have a wedding list. After a controversial discussion on this subject I was interested in the reasons as to why it is such a taboo in Britain to put a little, polite note in the envelope WITH the invitation to say that you appreciate monetary gifts (without using the word money-please see my last question). The reason why we decided to do so is: 1. We really don't have much money at all and we received already a lot of little practical gifts on our engagement. And we have already most of the little things. So we really save up for the bigger things. Our wedding won't cost much but it is a lot of money for us. But as we would like our friends to be part of our wedding we decided to have a proper reception. 2. I asked around and everyone said, they think it's a very good idea so I was very surprised about your reaction. Also, in my culture (I am German) it is very common to "ask" for money. There will be German guests so they won't think it's impolite. The rest of the people in my community doesn't mind the idea at all because they know us. 3. I don't want people to spend too much money on ordinary things. For example: If I make a wedding list and someone decides to buy us a tin opener, most people won't go for the 1 pound version but spend 10 pound. I would be better off with 5 pound cash and than I go and buy a tin opener for 1 pound and save the rest for a sofa or a bed. So both sides will benefit from this.I don't want people to go into debt for us (which is also impolite) because they can only spend money on their credit card and can't give cash. I'd rather forgo a gift altogether. 4.My parents are not involved with the wedding preperation at all as they live in Germany and we don't have the bestest of relationships. Most people don't know my fiancees parents so they (the guests) will be grateful (so they say) if they don't have to ring around and ask whether there is a wedding list or not. And I think a little polite note is much better than being told by the parents that we're better off with money - what on earth is the difference? 4. If I really put on a list what we need it would be a washing machine and furniture - Well, THAT is impolite. 5. Why does british etiquette never make sense? Sometimes I think it's only about tradition, not a about logic. 6. If you think this method is impolite, how impolite is it to DEMAND that someone spends half a fortune to make it able for you to be part of a nice wedding but not to give anything? If someone can't afford to give anything, I don't have a problem with this - and they won't be able to buy a present either anyway. But if they are my friends (which is the case with all of the people I invited) they will completely understand my situation and I will completely understand their situation. The first sentence in my note is completely sincere and honest. I do NOT expect anything but please make it easy for both of us if you want to give something. My flatmate eg asked me what if she has no money and if she could make something nice for me - something personal. And I am more than happy with this. People who know us and love us won't be offended and everyone I asked so far actually preferred giving money... One of my friends (and even my fiancee) reacted the same way you did, and then I explained my reasons for this. Now they understand and all my friends agree with this. So, is it still impolite?

Public Comments

1. Its YOUR wedding. You do what you want, if anyone has a problem with it and doesn't show, you know those that did care more! Congrats and the best to you in your future.
2. I think the day has gone whereby you receive 10 toasters and 6 can openers. Nowadays, a majority of couples actually live together before they tie the knot so they have most things. My son married last year and they put on their invites that they preferred not to receive gifts but if anyone wanted to give them a gift then vouchers would be welcomed as they were saving to buy a house and vouchers would help them to buy bits they wanted. Close family (ie granmothers, aunties and uncles etc) all gave cheques and some close friends gave them dollars as they were going on a month long honeymoon to the US. They actually only got a couple of wrapped presents and they were mainly decorative gifts. Another wedding I attended recently asked for Thomas Cook Vouchers so they could put these towards a belated honeymoon to Florida (they also had two children). Another wedding couple asked for donations to a large item of furniture they required. In fact they opened a "list" with Debenhams and the only thing on the list was a bed. As they had lived together for some time, they didn't want anything else so all donations went towards this! It was something they wanted and, I believe, they got enough for the bed and some nice bed linen too. A lot of weddings in the UK now ask for cash for presents or, if you don't want to be seen to be mercenary, then vouchers for a particular store. Alternatively, if you don't want anything, then ask for donations to a charity? I've seen that done, too. It's your wedding so you do what you want. If anyone has a problem then that is their affair! Good luck to you both for the future.
3. By asking this question in the Etiquette forum, you would receive answers most likely similar to which you'd get from an Etiquette book; and proper etiquette is that you do not mention gifts in invitations. That having been said, you may ask all your friends and relatives, your priest, rabbi and maid for their blessing, and receive it. That is fine, and I personally have no problem with that. The fact remains that at this point in time asking for monetary gifts is not appropriate according to proper etiquette both in the USA and the UK. Do what you wish, and good luck in your upcoming marriage, but please respect those who gave you proper answers regarding proper etiquette.
4. We live in the United States. What a lot of people here do is to suggest a particular department store for their gift registry. In one case it was J.C. Penney, because they had branches all over the country, and their policy about taking returns was very liberal. Duplicates or unsuitable gifts could be exchanged or returned for credit. Invited guests often ask the couple where they are registered, so it's easy to direct them to that store and your gift registry. It's a bit more tactful than asking for money. Some people will give money anyway -- it's becoming more and more acceptable. You could also let your close friends know that you really need money more than household objects, and trust them to inform people of that should they ask.
5. The thing is if you ask for cash then people will HAVE to give a reasonable amount, but how much? If you have a wedding list you can list expensive and inexpensive and very inexpensive (of course you can't ask anyone for a washing machine). Except you parents if they can afford it. Getting married is very expensive and a lot of people don't get married because of this. I know many couples with and without children who are living together and get engaged or married but because they have already got most of the things they need they say that they do not expect presents for this reason. In this modern world more and more people are struggling to pay their mortgages, bills and pay for their children. After all...you are getting married for love, you send invites to people you want to share your special day with not so that they will all buy you presents. Congratulations on your forthcoming wedding and I hope it will be a beautiful day for you! UK
6. I think it's not very tactful to ask for monetary gifts. However in America people ask for gift cards to the stores where they would like to purchase something. Some people may give you money and that's ok, but I personally wouldn't ask for it. Then again I'm American and I was raised very old fashioned. I would consider that rude.
7. It is impolite to ask for any gifts. The giver could give you the opportunity to choose but otherwise gratefully accept all gifts.