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How can I get my in-laws to do the right things for our wedding?

My in-laws are giving me a shower (which I am very grateful for). Although I thought they went a bit overboard with the guest list, I realize it wasn't my choice and just let them do their thing. I did, however, make sure they received a copy of the wedding guest list and told them to be sure they don't invite anyone they didn't have invited to the wedding. Turns out, the shower invites are already mailed and they did invite 2 people to the shower who were not invited to the wedding...they say they should have been on the wedding list. I made sure to have them check the wedding list before invites went out and asked them many times if they were forgetting anyone. I was given the 'go ahead' to mail wedding invites...and those two were not on my list. They aren't immediate family and I've never heard their names or met them in 7 years...they're his dead grandpa's cousin's children (we think). What would you do about this??? Yes, two people aren't that big of a deal (but it really translates to 4 people with their guests...that's $130 added to the caterer). And...this isn't the first thing like this that's been an issue. I fought with them about my wedding party, and about having their whole family at the rehearsal dinner and none of mine.

Public Comments

1. You may have to add them to the guest list. Unfortunately, since your mother in law already invited them to the shower, it will reflect poorly on you and your fiance if they are not invited to the wedding, not her.
2. That was kind of crumby of them. I totally feel you on this. My soon to be mother in law is exactly like this. If these people they invited don't know you, I have a feeling they won't come to the shower. And if they do, they will probably just keep to themselves.
3. I wouldn't worry about it. You can always just claim the invite got lost in the mail.
4. I'd stand firm that they aren't invited to the wedding, as long as your fiance' is agreeable to that. Have your 2bhubby explain to his parents that the guest list was finalized, and they shouldn't have invited these people to the shower. Now that it's done and they're invited to the shower, there's nothing you can really do about it, but that still doesn't mean you have to change your wedding guest list because of your in-laws mistake.
5. In return to what they're giving you, they are expecting you to be at their whims. That's horrible meddling.
6. How did they get these two people's contact information? Do they know these people? If they do then just invite them to the wedding as well, otherwise just let it go. They probably won't even come to the shower knowing they haven't been invited to the wedding and if they do, then you still are not obliged to invite. For other things in the future, be as specific as possible. Delegate responsibilities and check up on them and please don't stress too much. You're supposed to be a happy bride not stressed out and tired :) All the best.
7. Don't stress out about it- if they're not particularly close to your in-laws (and they've never met the bride before) I doubt they'll even come to the shower. She probably just didn't know the rule about don't invite anyone who's not invited to the actual wedding. I would just let it go...a minor offense for a very nice-sounding future MIL who went out of her way to plan you a lovely shower.
8. They should have spoken up when you asked them if anyone was mssing. That being said, it is only 2 people. And since your not even close to them they might not even show up anyway. I wouldn't say anything about it. It would probably cause more drama then it's worth.
9. Hi I know how you feel, I'm having that same issue now but I'm still going to dig my heels in on this one. The invites have already gone out and that's it, it's your wedding (hubby and yours) so stand your ground. Maybe if by some chance people who say they were coming can't later on through illness etc, then these other people who were left off by your in-laws I may add, maybe able to take their places? It might be just 2 extra people but weddings cost! Cya :)
10. Well I guess the best thing to do is just invite them to the wedding, they probably won't show up for the shower nor the wedding if you guys haven't talked to them in 7 years, but just in case you and your future husband don't want to look like jerks, your mother in law should of done what you asked of her.
11. I'd say that you should invite them to the wedding. They would definitely think it was rude of you to not invite them.
12. This sounds horrible but since the chances of you seeing these people ever again is slim to none, let them come to the shower and skip their invite on the wedding.
13. Yes that was crappy of them but are 2 people really that big of a deal in the grand scheme of things? No, so send out the invites and don't cause drama with the in-laws before you even get married. Believe me, this is not a battle worth fighting...
14. Let it go as it's not your 'bad', it's theirs....I doubt if they will show up considering how very distant the relationship is......as far as giving them a last minute invite to the wedding, well they weren't on the list you were given and confirmed as complete after you asked so here again, their problem....so any 'splaining will be on them.......tell the in-laws the caterer had a head count deadline and it's too late to accomodate them....they should have re-checked the list more careful than they did..... yup, weddings bring out the 'best' in folks, don't they?.....hope ya won the wedding rehearsal battle..lol and just keep repeating the mantra 'It'll be over soon'......good luck.
15. Things slip through the cracks, either you will let it stress you out or you will gracefully handle the problem and all will be OK again. Unless you are out of space, add them on but be sure to let your in-laws know this is an inconvenience, an added expense, and that they had opportunity to ensure your list was right some time ago. My fiance reviewed the list I gave to my Mom for our engagement party, THEN after the invites go out he says to add people. Since space was available, we just added them.
16. Oh well! Let them come to the shower... they should ahve checked the guest list! they can answer to your in laws if they have an issue! thats thier side of the list!
17. I'm afraid it isn't about you and your future in-laws anymore. Unfortunately, your future mother-in-law did something she shouldn't have done. But, it's done, and it now affects two "innocent" people. You know the right thing to do is to send them an invitation to the wedding, hope they decline, and suck up the extra $130 is they do go. In the big scheme of things (both wedding-wise and in the future relationship with your in-laws) this is a small blip on the screen. Give yourself, and your future mother-in-law a break and forget about it.