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Why are many people in this section so judgemental especially when they aren't attending the other weddings?

It's one thing to tell someone tactfully if they are breaking etiquette rules. Breaking tradition is not a crime no matter how much you want it to be. If you don't like themes, fine but you don't have to be cruel to those who do. Other things are regional. Some people all that they have in their area or that their families do at weddings may be desserts or finger sandwiches. Not everyone wants or can afford a full meal so why does it bother you what they do? The list goes on. No one will ever agree and that's fine. There is nothing wrong with diversity. Some couples don't want their wedding to mirror everyone else's. If you don't agree with something and it will not impede on the guests' comfort, why can't you just skip over the post? And if a post does affect guests' comfort, why be rude and mean? You can get your point across tactfully, but again tact is something that is learned and not everyone has. I thought this board was to bounce off ideas and get information, not bicker.

Public Comments

LOL, welcome to the Weddings section my friend!
i agree
Bravo! Bravo! <CS applauding SirenSong> I threw out some major traditions at my wedding. I had a wedding that was right for me and my husband. It was perfect! I didn't have a sit down meal -- cocktail reception with a copious amount of hors d'oeuvres both at a buffet and being served (WAY cheaper than a sit down dinner, WAY more food, and NO 'fish' or 'chicken' RSVP cards). I wanted people to meet & mingle ... who wants to be stuck next to the same boring cousin for 2 hours? Most people were travelling from far and wide -- I wanted them to have lots of opportunity to visit with everyone. Our 'song' started out slow, but turned into a fast song and we invited everyone to dance with us. I'm clumsy -- I didn't want everyone wathing me step on hubby's toes for 3-5 minutes. No tinging of glasses -- what an irritating sound. People still comment that it was the best wedding they've ever attended. Heck ... why stop at weddings? Why can't we tactfully discuss all differences of opinion? Religion? Sexual preference? Hair colour? Wouldn't the world be a much different place if we could all respect each other's choices in life. Not 'agree with their choices', not 'want the same thing', just respect the fact that it is their life and the decision.
You're right. it can get a little nasty here from time to time. I sadly admit to being one of those people who used to snicker at those who wanted to do something a little out of the box for their own weddings but I have since changed my tune. I now understand that people want a wedding that is special and that means something to THEM. I came to this realisation after I had my own wedding. I got a lot of raised eyebrows , especially from the more conservative and senior members of my family because I didn't wear white, or get married in a church or have a sit-down 3 course meal but my hubby and I LOVED it. So now I am a bit more open minded and accepting of other peoples ideas. SO bring on the pouffy white dresses and chorus-line of bridesmaids if that's what the bride and groom want. After all, most people hope to only get married once, why not have a wedding you'll look back on and remember with a smile.
perhaps I'm a bit old fashioned but I view a wedding as something that is adult and dignified.....something where you can pull out your album years later and show off with pride. But some of these 'themes' are really getting to me...Victorian vampires...Goth.....Elves, Gnomes, Dragons...Cinderella....I'm waiting, just waiting for a Barbie or a Bratz theme......maybe Harry Potter???? If this trend keeps up they'll hafta throw a Where's Waldo theme wedding for me to attend....cause I'll be hiding from that one. Why can't the theme to a wedding be...WEDDING? okay, color and flowers....seasons...places.... appropriate. But when did wedding receptions stop being weddings and become costume parties or play-acting from the latest video game or fantasy-movie? Or am I the only mature woman who feels this way..... ...and if the wedding is treated as a set from DisneyLand.. how the heck is the actual marriage gonna be treated? Fantasy Island? It gives me a headache just contemplating it. No wonder there's so much divorce....children are playing let's get married...... Where is the Dignity? Where is the Classiness? Where is the Maturity? I'm sorry...some of the suggestions are so outrageous I can't help but respond the way I do....and where are the Mothers of the Brides who should be putting their foot down on all this nonsense...I would. Unbelieveable...these are weddings.not Barnum & Bailey Come to Town.....I'm just waiting for that one! here here Mathie I am TOTALLY with you on that! maybe that is what is driving me nuts about these outlandish themes...is become all about the wedding when it should be all about the marriage being a sucess...sorta like not seing the forest for the trees syndrome....or one bride trying to outdo the other....girls bemoaning the size of their engagement rings and totally loosing sight of the fact it's a token of love...not a prize to flash in front of your friends' noses in a 'Can you top this rock' contest and heaven forbid should your BGF's rock be the least bit larger than yours...where did all this one-upmanship and materialism come from?????
I have long since lost hope that people will answer a question with out offering judgment or without making assumptions. ~ But, I am amazed at how *angry* people seem to get in this section when they disagree with another person. I always wonder if the people who are so rude here are just as mean in real life ~ or if they just stew in anger all day, until they can vent on Y!A ~ LOL ;)
While I agree that some people post replies which may come off as rude, I think the vast majority make their posts based on what they honestly believe is correct. It is often times difficult to hear that something you're planning is a bad idea, or that it may be more harmful than helpful, but that doesn't mean the respondent is rude. I always give my honest answer, despite whether it confirms what the bride wishes to hear or not. I do this because I'd appreciate an honest answer to any question I ask. Most people know their families well enough to know whether a potluck wedding would float with them or not--so why are they asking in here, then getting defensive when every respondent tells them it's a bad idea? And while we're on the subject, if your only answer is "it's your wedding, you do what you want", you shouldn't bother replying. I think anyone knows this is their wedding, and I believe people ask questions on here because they're unsure of the right thing to do, OR because the people in their lives have already told them something of their plans was a bad idea. Why not give your honest response and give the bride the opportunity to make her day an extremely pleasant one for both the couple AND the guests? I frequently see brides on here talk about their guests with words like "freeloaders" and such. I am appalled whenever I see things like this. As a guest at many, many weddings, if I ever thought I was considered a freeloader or a nuisance by the couple, I'd probably never bother with them again. Any guest who thinks enough of you or your mate to take time out of their day, buy special clothes, travel, give up their weekend, and buy you a gift is HONORING the couple, not burdening them. I always make a point to answer those posts. I think brides who consider their guests this way ought to be ashamed to say so. ok...end of rant. Thank you.
I've noticed that too. My guess is that people have no imagination and they insist that all weddings should be identical and traditional otherwise they are not (or should not be) valid in their opinion. Just because the couple is different at each wedding doesn't mean that is the be all and end all of making it different from everyone else's if the couple is looking for a way to be memorable in the vast ocean of nuptuals. A wedding is about being personal to the bride and groom's personalities, whatever those may be. Not everyone has to like it but they should respect it. Like someone else mentioned, I wouldn't be surprised if some are just as rude in real life too. People can be honest and have tact at the same time but alot of people don't have tact anymore because society today doesn't value it.
I'm all for people to have the wedding that they want. If you want a BBQ reception and have your wedding in a park that's fine. If you want to go all the way and spend $100,000 that's fine. I personally am not doing either but to each their own. My gripe comes when people are more concerned with the wedding than the marriage. I fear that some people are just looking forward to the wedding day and planning the wedding and the marriage concept seems to get lost in all that. I suppose my biggest concern is when people ask for opinions and then when I give my opinion they don't like it. Like it's completely okay for them to have their opinion but I'm not allowed to have mine. I'm sorry that some people think I'm wrong and being harsh, but it's how I truly feel. Many people think I'm mean to those who choose to live together before getting married. Look people, do what you want but I seriously don't see how you're acting any different than a married couple with the exception that you haven't made it an official marriage. Many people don't seem to like this but I stick to what I believe. For thousands of years couples have had successful marriages without living together first. Many will say that times have changed and in order to get to know someone well enough you must live together first. Since when did that change? Perhaps they believe this because it's more acceptable to live together prior to marriage than it used to be. I don't think that it's a requirement now and it's not that people suddenly need to live together before getting married; it's just more accepted that people live together first. As I said, people can do what they want but I will be honest in my answers when asked about this. People tend to get angry and mad at me but I'm not going to change what I think. That's just one example of things that have happened to me personally that show there are strong opinions. I don't know that it'll change and while it helps to have opinions it's easy to be blunt when you're talking over the internet.
There is a difference between being judgmental and pointing out rude actions in the works. But I agree in theory, particularly about the type of weddings people have. It doesn't bother me in the least if someone wants Goth, or dragons, or Halloween, Christmas, or Harry Potter. If it's your vision, go for it. Many people won't understand, but that's OK, let them have the kind of wedding they want! If you cringe in 20 years when you look at the wedding photos, well, just remember it's what you wanted. Of course, people are much bolder in an anonymous forum than in real life. OTOH, the OP's need to grow a thick skin before asking opinions of the "unwashed masses". Just as in life, the cross section of responders will consist of some thoughtful answers, some mean for the sake of being rude, ans some that gush about how wonderful everything sounds, even if you say you'd like to serve road kill for the reception. Keep what fits and disregard the rest.