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This is long, but it's serious about a Long lost father?

Okay what would you do? I'm very into genealogy and doing my family tree, So my Aunt (who is my dad's half sister) asked me for help compiling her family tree. My Grandmother had her first marriage to a man in 1942 Soon after gave birth to my Aunt in 1944 and in 1947 gave birth to my other aunt. In 1949 my grandmother divorced this man and my Aunts never saw or heard from him again. In 2002 my Grandmother died. My grandmother was a very hateful selfish woman so we always assumed that she was the reason that they never saw their dad again. So the beginning of this month I began helping my aunt compile her family tree with the little information I have and discovered that at age 94 her father is still alive and doing VERY well. She has no desire to meet him, but does wonder if she has any other siblings. So when I get up the courage I call him basically to tell him that she is well but that I am needing information for the family tree. Now keep in mind that even before I have called him I have already posted on 2-3 sites on the internet listing this man as My grandmother's first husband not realizing that he was still alive. I have also posted on many message boards asking people for any information they may have about this man. I have also been in contact with at least 4 people by e-mail. So when I call him I ask him if his name is " First, Middle and Last name" and he says yes and then asks who I am so then I break it down for him (He is not hard of hearing) He then denies that he was every married to my grandmother and tells me he doesn't have middle name and that I have the wrong guy. I then ask him if he was born in the place that he was born and he tells me that he was not born there but that he was actually born in a different city and state, which I know is the same city and state that he went to college (Mind you it is a very small city) so I tell him I think he is lying and that I'm sorry he feels he has to, that we don't want anything from him. We hang up. So I'm at the conclusion that he has been lying to his family since 1950. I am 100% sure this is him, I have pictures of the man I am talking to and my aunt has confirmed that it is him based on pictures in her baby book, So there is no doubt he is lying. But then last night I discover that I am communicating with her sister over e-mail about this family tree. The Sister May or May not know that her father was previously married and has two children from that marriage. I'm leaning more towards the fact that she doesn't know. But she is also working on her family tree and if she searches at all I'm pretty sure she will find the family trees that I have posted listing her father as my grandmother's first husband. So should I tell her or should I let nature run it's course? By my Calculations, She is probably no older than mid to late 50. If you would tell her, how would you? I am no long bothering the man, It is his daughter from his current marriage who I am communicating with now. I am no longer asking questions about him but his family line, because I really do need family input to get my ducks in a row. And it is not a gut feeling, I know this is the man. He lives in a VERY small town there I have found newspaper articles on him about him and his wife current wife with new and old pictures. Also in the phone book it lists his middle initial. He is sort of a local celebrity with accomplishments he has made, Written books, athletic accomplishment. I know for a fact I have the right man. Okay closing this and awarding somebody the points because the case is solved and I don't feel like the negative comments are helpful The woman ended up asking me more twice who I was related to in the family so I told her. I was not harassing this poor man I got caught in a situation and needed advice. Turns out she was glad I found her, she knew about this and had been looking for her sister for a long time. The father has Alzheimer. I was only asking for advice. I don't feel that calling once is harassment and continuing to look for family information of her own family is harassment. It was purely a coincidence that this happened to be his daughter and I've been sick over it for over a day now! I've been doing Genealogy for ten years and have gone to classes. I have NEVER had anything like this happen to me and was confused. Thank you for all the helpful advice. Okay closing this and awarding somebody the points because the case is solved and I don't feel like the negative comments are helpful The woman ended up asking me more twice who I was related to in the family so I told her. I was not harassing this poor man I got caught in a situation and needed advice. Turns out she was glad I found her, she knew about this and had been looking for her sister for a long time. The father has Alzheimer. I was only asking for advice. I don't feel that calling once is harassment and continuing to look for family information of her own family is harassment. It was purely a coincidence that this happened to be his daughter and I've been sick over it for over a day now! I've been doing Genealogy for ten years and have gone to classes. I have NEVER had anything like this happen to me and was confused. Thank you for all the helpful advice.

Public Comments

1. I would say just leave it alone. Apparently this man had issues back then and doesn't want to dig things up. Other than wanting to know the family line I can't see how continuing to bother this man will do anyone any good. Just list him as status unknown and move on.
2. I would just tell her. Neither she, nor you had any influence over the events that occurred long before either of you were born. If nothing else it may clear up why your grandmother became a very selfish, hateful woman, she may have been deeply hurt by the man. Who does sound rather hateful and deceptive himself. Lies have a way of coming out, let this one out. Relative can get to know and like or dislike each other, but at least they will have the choice.
3. Doesn't sound like you really have proof that this is the guy. You might want to get some more proof and take that off the family tree until you figure it all out, or might be causing a lot of unnecessary trouble for this family. Even if your gut is telling you your right find out first.
4. Genealogy is the study of Direct bloodline Ancestry. You are coming very close to harassment of this man. I work with attorneys who have been hired to locate biological families. The way this works is that it doesn't matter if you have the right man or not, you do not have the right to attempt to force him to acknowledge his relationship. The Birth certificates of the people you are helping will show the name of the father. It is also not you business as a genealogical researcher to determine if he has a right to keep his life before this current family from them or not. You are invading his privacy and there are federal laws that prohibit that. As s researcher you should remain objective and discreet. Which is why I work through Attorneys and why I encourage people who are new at Genealogy to take some classes from the Family History Center, their local Genealogy or History Society. There is a code of ethics that has been established by the Genealogical Professional Society, if you are serious about Genealogy you should look up the site. It could give you a lit of information on how to handle this type of situation. There is no such thing as complete disclosure when it comes to families. One other tip It doesn't matter if someone is lying about information, your telling you believe they are only SLAMS the door to them ever cooperating with you, and may slam that do with all his other family.