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is this a good audition (help please)?

trying out for forks high on livejournal. Is this any good?? Your name: Breanna Fisher Your Livejournal: Brebabii Character name: Rachel Williams Character age: 17 Werewolf, Vampire, or Human: Human Appearance (a celebrity to relate to can be handy): Taylor Swift(wavy blond hair, blue eyes, round petite nose, very short) Personality: Snobby, Curious, feisty, very small Back-history: Just moved to Forks from California. Knew Lauren and Jessica before moving to Forks. Dislikes Forks a lot. She recently had a major breakup and now hates love. In any form. First-person sample: Is it seriously raining? Again. No wonder these people are so darn pale, there is barely any sun through these clouds if any! I passed a dark hair girl clutching on to a beautiful, pale boy. I wanted to punch her. She had the perfect life, and I was standing in the pouring rain getting SOAKED. I spotted Lauren's pretty blond hair in the cafeteria and walked towards it. Lauren was very rude, but quiet somehow. Lauren had her nose up in the air until I walked passed. She sheepishly smiled, then continued on with her sour facial expression. Everyone was coupled up, except me. "Who is that girl with the very pale boy?" I whispered to Jessica. "Her?," she sounded appalled."That's Bella," Jessica spit her name out with pure disgust. I walked over to Bella and the pale boy's table.I stuck my hand out. "Hi. I'm Rachel Williams. I'm new here, and don't know many people.Do you mind if I sit here?" I asked politely. Bella nodded, but the pale boy shot her a look. "I'm Edward Cullen, and this is Bella Swan," the pale boy, Edward, said. Ha! Edward??? That's like a grandpa name. Bella Swan???What is she? A goose? Personally,I don't care HOW cute he is. I would not date a grandpa. "Such cute names," I smiled. "Thank you," Edward and Bella said at the same time, apparently pleased. "For 80 year old hobos,"I said,still smiling. Edward's expression became furious, and Bella's eyes became wide. She knew this was a nightmare. Edward started to growl, and Bella gently touched his shoulder. "Edward," she cautioned in a small voice. Edward stormed off, grabbing Bella's hand and furiously walking away. Aha. Mission Accomplished. Third-person sample: Rachel was glowering at a poster. It was telling you about prom. A list of all the couples were on the paper. Of course, yet again, Rachel was alone. She quickly skimmed the paper. "Edward Cullen and Bella Swan seemed to catch her eye. She walked off pleased with herself and went over to Edward. With her mind she began to believe her well-constructed lie herself. "Hello. Edward. Bella. I would just like to tell you that prom will be held NEXT Saturday. I am so sorry for your inconvenience," Rachel said sweetly. Rachel walked off behind a wall and listened to their conversation. "Edward? Is it true?" Bella asked. "Seems so, love," Edward said. Love. Rachel felt a moment of pain and sadness, but also a queasiness in her stomach. The last thing Bella and Edward heard was Rachel's high heels running down the freshly waxed white halls.

Public Comments

1. I haven't read Twilight but it think it's fine.