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pushy mom and 16 yr old abortionist?

When i was 16 I got hurt in a cheerleading accident and had to go to the hospital. There they found out i was pregnant and told my mom. I was on heavy meds at the time so my mother went ahead and told them that i was to have an abortion and no one would know. I am completely against abortion. Even thoough i was so not ready for a child i was willing to take on the consequences for my mistake. I was an A student, captain of the varsity cheerleading squad for 3 years, homecoming court, on community service club and prom committee, and the list goes on and on... so it would have ruined my life but i am majorly against abortion. My mother still made me go through with it. After, I bacame severly depressed and suicidal (i am now on meds and going to therapy). I dont think i will ever be able to forgive her. What should i do? --no bias oppinions please--

Public Comments

Seek counseling, and realize that, but for the actions of your Mom, you could say goodbye to being an "A" student, captain of anything, and the list goes on.......at 16, you were definitely not ready for the consequeces...would you have had to continue living at home, and get help from your Mom?...if you said "yes", then you were not ready. p.s. those advocating you should have kept the child must not have thought it through that her Mom would be shouldering a great part of this burden this girl brought on herself. I've seen ALOT of teenaged girls get pregnant while I was their age....most quit school, end up on welfare... There are those few girls who are fortunate enough to have parents who will help raise their daughter's child so she can continue going to school, but those are the exceptions, not the norms.
It's tough to do, but learning to forgive your mom would go a long way toward getting through the depression issues. I would also suggest that you check in your nearby area for some support groups. There are others out there like you, and you can have great friends for life and support through those groups. Information on them can usually be found at churches, community centers, etc.
I don't believe you that's how it happened. There is no way that a doctor would perform an abortion on any person without their consent. Did your mom "talk you into it" (therefore they did it with your consent) or did they literally do an abortion without ever telling you? That would be so UNBELIEVABLY unethical and illegal. If that is really what happened, get a lawyer. Sue that doctor out of house and home if he performed an abortion without even telling the mother.
Man that sucks. I honestly, don't think I could forgive her either. She took away something that was solely yours, something she had no rights to touch. That is way over stepping her motherly role. I don't know how old you are now, but I would plan on moving out as soon as you are 18 and able. Get a job, or volunteer somewhere, maybe even a children's hospital, just give yourself something to think about other than this abuse you have received. If/when you feel able to, I suggest you write down on paper all the feelings and hurt you feel towards your mother for doing this, and get someone you can trust or maybe a counselor to help you talk to your mother about this. In fact, family counseling might not be a bad idea. And I would see a lawyer about the legality of what has been done to you. If you want to prove how seriously effected you are by this to you mother, you could bring the doctor to court and your mother for going against your wishes. Good luck and I know this doesn't mean much, but I'm sorry for your loss.
Forgiveness is not the end to all pain - your mother made a choice. It may not important to agree with her choice - but just to accept it. After accepting you may find some sense of peace with yourself and how this situation has changed you - hope you find the way to move forward!!! Good Luck.
My heart goes out to you. I can understand where you would be angry and resentful towards your mother. But what you have to realize, is that today, is today. Your morals, your opinions, your views have not been changed. You were 16 years old. You were in the hospital. Your mom made a rash, and very difficult decision. You feel violated and stripped of your personal boundries. I get that, and I totally understand. BUT, you have to live in the now. You have to keep your mind focused on the today and what you are going to make of your life. You can't worry so much about what your mom thinks or what kind of relationship you have right now, or will have in the future. You need to focus on repairing you. The first step is to keep your feet moving forward. Sounds like you have an excellent head on your shoulders, you are a bright and educated girl. Give the world your talents. Shine on, and show the world what you are capable of. Good luck to you, and keep moving on up. Many, many, many women in this world are violated and hurt. Some by strangers, some by family members, some by our own mothers. But you have to show your strength and perserverance to make your mark in this world, and I have a feeling you are going to do big things. Take care,
Sounds like a heavy duty situation. You are really hard on yourself. Try to forgive yourself and your mother. Get busy with your school work again and get some goals in order for your life. You may want to volunteer with an organization that is Pro Life to tell other girls your ordeal (only if you want to). Otherwise work on loving and healing yourself.
I'm sorry, but I think your mom protected you from a very very bad life if you had that baby. The baby would have a very bad life too. That soul from the baby, (if you believe in that) will come around again. but it will be a wanted baby.(I know you wanted it, but good intentions are not enough, you wouldnot have the resources to take care of that baby and it would have ruined your school, college, and your entire future. Somehow you need to talk this out with a therapist. Don't be angry at your mom, be angry with yourself for getting pregnant and then forgive yourself and move on. Then let go of the anger and realize that things happen for the best. YOu've learned a lesson now take that lesson into your heart. Then lose the anger 'cause anger destroys the container it's in. good luck and study hard!! tom
I know you are going through a hard time with this! Just stay strong and don't let your head fall low. I am against abortions too, but with your age your mom had somewhat control over your decision. Don' think that it is your fault because You was trying to make the responsibility choice, and take the consequences of your actions. Later, on the road you will look back and she will be the one who regrets it! NOT YOU! She will be the one that will have to live with herself. I wish you the best of luck, continue with your dreams and when it is time for you to have your child in your life, it will happen!
My heart goes out to you sweetie. This is a tough one. I believe that your mom was doing what she thought was right for you. I also know how hurt you must feel since you are against abortion and was forced to have one. You need to continue with the counseling, but realize that you are not at fault for the abortion. Your mom made that decision for you. I know that's not any conciliation. God Bless you hon and I pray that you are able to work everything out. Please don't do anything foolish. Your life is worth so much more.
Part of forgiveness is WANTING to forgive. If you don't have any desire to forgive, you never will. Perhaps you aren't ready to forgive and you may never be! Instead of focusing on your mom and what she has done, I would work on your self happiness to return to the way you were before this happened. Perhaps you could seek some counseling and work on accepting what has transpired?
Well, it's a matter of opinion. I am pro-choice and I think you mother made the decision that she thought was in your best interest at that time. Your mother knew that you were an "A" student, captain of the cheerleading team, etc..and knew how your life would change with a pregnancy. At the age of 16, you must have a parents consent. I think you should talk with your mother and it may help for BOTH of you to go to counseling TOGETHER. Your mother loves you and did what she thought was best for you. Try not to be angry with her, Im sure your mother is hurting inside also.
I'm really sorry you had to go through this. Your mother would of had your best interests at heart-did she know your views on abortion? I think you are an amazing person to say that you knew you were not ready for a child but were willing to take the consequences. Try your best to see your mothers position, you are still her baby and how could her baby be having a child if you understand me. I hope you are able to come to terms with what happened and i wish you all the luck in the world (well from the u.k!!) Take care, and i hope all your future dreams come true.
Listen dear, everybody make descisions they regrets... forget your mom about it and instead take time and energy to forgive you . Learn of your mistake, say to life and to that chils how sorry you are and forgive you... That child will come back later anyway. I made a mistake once that I regret for long then I realise that all thoses remorses, brain tortures...that I was doing to me was not gonna change anything so that day I start telling me every morning : Like eveybody I deserve forgivness, so I forgive my self and will forget about it. PLEASE FORGET IT
you said it yourself that you were not ready but you were ready to take the consequences. Is that you want your baby to be? A consequence?? You also said that it would ruin your life, but did you ever think that you would ruin your baby's life? I am sure that you would love your child, but your child needs 2 loving, resposible, adult parents. I think it's sad that that you would keep the baby, yet admit to how you weren't ready just bc of your views on a topic. Your mom did what she thought was best for her child. Forgive youreslf and her. WHen you are ready you will have a baby and you will be the best mom bc you will be ready and willing.
you need to go to a family counserllor with your mom and sit her down and try to establish bounderies between yourselves. Part me thats grown up in a bad area and seen 15 and 16 yr old lives' ruined by teenage pregancy and by being a single mother wants to agree with your mom (rmember you spoke about how much it would have ruined your life but what about the childs life, no offence ment but I dont think your emotionally ready for the responsibilities of mother hood) but the other part of me want to agree with you for not being allowed to make an informed desicion about your own life, even if you couldnt take care or keep the child theres always adoption... Its a sticky situation but its been done and now you have to look into your heart and decide if thiss is how you want to end your relationship with your mother. Please think long and hard about it and see what you decide....hope this helps you
Hi - I know you feel horrible inside right now, but really, remembering will become easier (I promise you) - it takes time. I'm sure your mom did what she felt was the very best for you. Keep going to see your Therapist and taking your meds. You sound like a real nice person, please keep thinking positive!
I think you should continue counseling, but maybe include some family counseling as well. Your mother probably did what she THOUGHT was the right thing at the time, and I doubt if she did it spitefully. Maybe she truly regrets it.
Maybe you will never forgive her. Would your life be so bad without her in it? Dont beat yourself up about it, you didnt do anything wrong, she did.
Well, I know it might seem like a terrible thing but Im sure your mother only had your best interests at heart. It has obviously been very difficult for you but I think you should put yourself in her shoes, what would you do if it was your daughter? Mothers only want whats best for their children and I think that instead of mourning the child that you never had you should try to make up with your mom after all, she's the only mom you'll ever have.
When I was sixteen My mom was told that I was pregnant and I thank God for her because I didn't get an abortion. My life wasn't ruin. You mom was thinking about just the now and reputation. When you destroy a child you destroy a generation. If I had of had an abortion I would not have had the lovely daughter and two grandchildren that I have now. So don't be depressed. Just pray to God asking him to please have mercy on your mother for her mistake and to give you the strength to endure. Baby you have a great life ahead of you and the blessings that God will shower on you can't all be counted on your hands. I know in your mind you will always wonder what if. You must forgive your mother. She thought she was doing right by you. Once you forgive her your healing will begin. Believe me you can talk to God just like you do your best friend. maybe you don't think that he hears because you don't see results right away. You just have to believe that he will. Keep this in your mind. If God will Bring me to it he will bring me through it. You life will begin to change after forgiving you mother. Let go of those negative feeling they only hurt you. Please believe.
I don't agree with what your mom did. However, you need to forgive her. That is one of the things that is holding you back from feeling better. You are carrying a lot right now. The unforgiveness is a heavy part of it and you are probably not able to forgive yourself because of the unforgiveness in your heart. Harboring unforgiveness is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die. Please find it in your heart to forgive and then ask for forgiveness from God. With your heart clear, He will forgive you in a heartbeat, for you are a child of God and he loves you more than you can imagine. God bless!! BTW, I just read other responses and ignore Princesscute. I guess with her logic we should kill all children in this world without 2 loving parents who planned their pregnancy. Her response makes no sense and their are other options for young ladies.
What can you do but move on? Talk to your mom if she is the talking type. Otherwise go seek some counseling to help you get past it. If you are in therapy and its not working, feel free to get a new counselor. I had to switch a few times before I found the perfect one. You cannot go on harboring this ill will. The child, unfortunately, is gone. You and your mother are here and MUST learn to coexist. It was messed up of her to do it without asking. But you made mistakes too. You got yourself pregnant at 16. You are the one who put yourself in the position which forced her to make the best choice she knew at the time. Not to disparage you, but we are all human and we do what we know to do at the time. Those who know better, do better. You won't make this same mistake with your future children. It's time to forgive and move on. Greive for your child, love your mother, and let it go. Take care sweety and be blessed!
Your situation is surely confusing though all I'll tell you is that when there is a problem there is a solution too. Though you’d need to be a bit more practical in order to understand the problem and resolve it. If you were against abortion then you should have been more careful about not getting pregnant. Life is really tough and this world is mean. You would have probably gone through hell trying to bring up a child all by yourself especially at an age when you yourself are not fully mature to become a mother. Just being physically ready is not enough. You have to be mentally and psychologically mature too as then you'll be fully responsible for the good and bad for another life along with our own. Just by moving on chance we’re putting more than our own life and wellbeing at risk. All said, you too agree that it was a mistake and I too agree that mistakes happen and we must learn from our mistakes. Now coming to your mother, she probably reacted out of her concern and love for you. Right now it's hard to believe it though a day will come when you realize it. Forgive your mother. What's happened is something which has surely hurt everyone but the truth is that no one can really change the past. By holding on to unforgiveness you'll only worsen the hurt in everyone. If you come to think of it, neither of you would have wished for things to have happened the way they happened. Don’t take any step which will lead to more hurt than there already is. Hope you'll make the right decision which will soon bring back the happiness in your family and help heal the hurt in everyone. Wish you all well.
Visit http://www.healinghearts.org to receive free counseling via email or in a group. Most of the counselors have had abortions themselves and can help.