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My biography...?

I had to do a biography for my english class and I chose Judy Garland. Can someone please read it and tell me if I should make any changes to it? Bty it's really long sorry! Frances Ethel Gumm (who later changed her name to Judy Garland.) Was born on June 10th, 1922 in Grand Rapids, Michigan. Her parents were Francis Gumm and Ethel Gumm. She had two older sisters who were all in a singing group together, and called The Gumm Sisters. Judy was married five times, her husbands were David Rose, Vincente Minnelli, Sid Luft, Mark Herron and Mickey Deans. She also had three children their names are Liza Minnelli, Lorena Luft and Joey Luft. Judy Garland died on June 22, 1969 from a overdose on Barbituraries. Judy got into the acting field by going on tour with her older sisters in their singing act. A little later Judy was offered a contract and signed with Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer. What made Judy Garland a icon is her role as Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz. She was also featured in several other movies which include Every Sunday, Pigskin Parade, Listen Darling, Broadway Melody of 1938 (in which she sang “You made me love you”.) Throughbreads Don’t Cry, and Babes in Arms. In 1944 her song “Over the Rainbow” became a hit, later on she recorded more then ninety songs with Decca Records. In 1961 she made a comeback at Carnegie Hall with a series of concerts. She evuntally received her own tv show which premired on CBS and lasted for twenty six episodes. It was very successful, it even received ten Emmy nominations. But unfortunately the ratings weren’t high enough to keep it on the air. I have mixed feelings about if I think Judy Garland had a positive or a negative effect. In my opinion Judy Garland had a very positive role on her fans judging from the roles she chose and was very talented. But at the same time I think she had more of a negative effect due to her being addicted to drugs and her Alcoholism. Should I change anything? Thanks for your help!

Public Comments

1. In proper writing phrases like "In my opinion" should be excluded because it is assumed that it is your opinion since you're writing it. You also might want to spell check it before you hand it in, I noticed a few errors. Other then that it sounds good.
2. Frances Ethel Gumm (later changed named Judy Garland) was born in Grand Rapids, Michigan on June 10th, 1922 to Francis Gumm and Ethel Gumm. She had two older sisters which were in a singing group together known as The Gumm Sisters. Judy was married five times, to David Rose, Vincente Minnelli, Sid Luft, Mark Herron and Mickey Deans. She also had three children, Liza Minnelli, Lorena Luft and Joey Luft. Judy Garland passed away on June 22, 1969 from an overdose on Barbituraries. Judy got into the acting field while going on tour with her older sisters in their singing acts. A little later Judy was offered a contract and signed with Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer. What made Judy Garland an icon was her role as Dorothy in "The Wizard of Oz." She was also featured in several other movies, which include, "Every Sunday, Pigskin Parade, Listen Darling, Broadway Melody of 1938 (in which she sang “You made me love you”.) Throughbreads Don’t Cry, and Babes in Arms." In 1944 her song “Over the Rainbow” became a hit, later in her career she recorded more than ninety songs with Decca Records. In 1961 she made a comeback at Carnegie Hall with a series of concerts. She eventually received her own tv show which premiered on CBS and lasted twenty-six episodes. It was successfull and even received ten Emmy nominations. Unfortunately the ratings weren’t high enough to keep it on the air. I have mixed feelings about whether Judy Garland had a positive or a negative effect. In my opinion Judy Garland had a very positive role on her fans, judging from the roles she chose and was very talented. But at the same time I think she had more of a negative effect due to her addiction to drugs and her Alcoholism.
3. You have done well, I think. Just a few minor adjustments. small w was born on... Put the last two sentences in paragraph 1 before you talk about her marriages. What do you think about putting that section in a separate paragraph? Capitals for TV New paragraph for her come back years? Clarify first sentence in last paragraph. " played a very positive positive role for her fans" Why? " due to her drug addiction and alcholism" I like answering questions like yours as you have really done your work and are just asking for a bit of a polish. Good luck!