Latest Lists - Occasional Abuse. I need motivation. Thanks?

Occasional Abuse. I need motivation. Thanks?

Me and the father of my two kids have been together for four years. He has hit me a total of five times throughout the relationship. He choked me and slapped me in the face at walmart yesterday because we got into a verbal argument over some petty stuff that he believes I did in the past. It involves an old friend of mind that told him that I cheated on him. Honestly I did get involved with someone when he went to jail. The reason I went astray was because we had only been together about 8 months and I didn't want to have a jail house relationship. When he first went, I didn't know where he was until after a week. So when I called the jail, they said he was being held on felony charges. So at that point, I told myself that I had been through too many relationships like that I was through with it. He ended up getting out two months later and we rekindled our relationship. At that point we hadn't had any kids. SO it wasn't until about a year later when my ex-best friend told him that cheated because she was mad at me. That's when the abuse started. He had busted my windows on my car on two different occasions. And he has put his hands on me as I have stated. It took me two years to tell him the truth.. I know that I should have been upfront from the beginning. All of that was new to me and I just didn't know how. He is also 11 years older than me.Im 25 and he's 36. This is what made him so angry yesterday which led to him trying to provoke a fight just because he was being insecure... We were listening to a song on the way to Walmart and I said that I liked it. The moral of the song was about a woman who dated a man and they lost touch. The woman was singing about missing him and wondering where he was. So he took that as if I was thinking about someone from the past. So the anger of thinking about what my friend told him and the song just made him go crazy in walmart.He is also a habitual liar. He started sayin things like, " He had been talking to my friend lately and that she was telling him that I had done him so bad." He also was saying stuff like" Monica( his other baby's mother) was loyal to him. It seemed like he was trying to provoke me to getting very angry becasue he was. It's like this, I am a young mother..but I have my head on straight, I am in school to become an english teacher. I am really trying to focus. He, on the other hand, recently got fired from a great job for hitting someone. I am starting to realize that he is not on my level. He is very immature. He is a 36 year old and he acts like a child. I just wanted to express what bull sh*t I have been going through. But I would like some answers to this question also, do you think all of these problems are because I wasn't upfront about the cheating? I still think he has issues even if I was wrong. I just need motivation because I really need to move on with my life this time. It was really embarassing. Police officers were there and customers were passing by staring..Ughh.. I as so much better than this. And yes I am venting right now!! I guess I just needed to get this off of my chest. Please let me anything you feel from my story. Thanks We do not live together. I guess I should have said that. I live with my parents and he has his own place. So the womans shelter part is out of the question. I have called the police everytime he has hit me. I live in Arkansas so I don't know whether they don't do anything because I am black or what. They told me yesterday that they need to see some blood or something. And that's why killings do happen because I will have to defend myself if I have a weapon. So do you all think I should just keep him away from his kids? He loves the girls and they love him too. I don't think that is right, they are his kids too. I just don't have to be with him. So do I need to go get visitation rights or something?

Public Comments

RUN don't walk RUN to the police next time he touches you. My guess is Assault isn't allowed in your state?
No, he isn't on your level. And never let a man put his hands on you. I don't care if he apologizes, the abusive cycle will continue. Take your kids and leave him. You got alot going for yourself.
You need to get out fast. Being that he is just your boyfriend at least you don't have to go through a divorce. If he is willing to do that to you in public I can only imagine what he may do at home. If you don't get out soon this will continue and eventually it will be your children. You really need to talk to a counselor because that is not a healthy relationship. He didn't hit you becuase you weren't upfront. He hit you becuase he has trust and control issues. Get out now before it's too late!
Nope. The issue is you are with a violent idiot. Press charges, get a restraining order, he violates it, he goes to jail, pretty straight forward. Take your kids, go to a judge, get rights to move away with your children, and go.
don't wait for the next time he hits you to call the cops. get out now. Contact a woman's shelter they can help you get away from him. The next time he may kill you. you are setting a very bad example for your children staying in an abusive relationship. You need to look out for you and your children first. Get the heck out of there NOW.
You know what? I don't care what you say about whether it was because you weren't upfront from the beginning or not! Only cowardly males put their hands on a woman! First of all, it upsets me that you are an educated young women with two children allowing yourself to be put through this kind of abuse. You know what? In allowing him to abuse and disrespect you, you are allowing him to abuse your children and you are a participant of it because you haven't handled the situation to get away from him. Children mimick our actions, and I am sure that you don't want them feeling as if this is normal to go on in a relationship. You should have left that man alone the first time he hit you, matter of fact, when he went to jail, you should of shut that down. Let me tell you something, abuse only gets worse, it never gets better unless you take yourself out of the equation. Good Luck and I hope you do right by not only yourself, but your kids.
I think that you cheating on him did not make your situation better as it made him angry with you and probably more insecure. However I don't believe that all of the problems are because of this, maybe in past relationships of his things may of occurred which made him very insecure. This however is not an excuse for him hitting you, no matter what anyone does there is no excuse for violence.
No, Sweetie, you DO NOT have your head on straight. For the love of God and for the safety of you and your children please please please call DHS or a woman's shelter and get you and your precious children the heck out of there. Leave and don't EVER look back. Abuse ALWAYS gets worse and more frequent. And he WILL abuse the kids eventually, but not until you're so beaten down that he knows you will do nothing about it. His problems are NOT your responsability. By that I mean, you DO NOT OWE HIM ANYTHING. It's not your job to stay there and "fix" him or "cure" him. You DID NOT do anything to provoke this latest attack. Saying you liked a song? Puh-leeze. Please please please get yourself and your sweet babies the heck out of there NOW because there will come a day when you will no longer be able to and then your children will suffer his abuse too.
You sound like you are insecure. Don't try to justify his abusive behavoir for hitting you. He is a creep! It wouldn't matter if you were faithful or not he still would have found something to make him mad and hit you. He is an abusive man! You stated that he got fired from his job for hitting someone. He has anger issues. hed needs help. However I doubt he will ever come to that conclusion. He seems to not be able to control his anger. If he hits you which he does and he hits employees what makes you think that he will not hit your kids? He will soon enough hit your kids! It is just time be4 he does. Forget how he acts, all men dont seem to ever act there age. The problem is that he hits you. Don't you see this as an issue? It's not normal. In fact it's against the law! he can/will go to jail for a very long time. You need to get away from this man! I doubt he will let you go but if you have to go underground. Im serious. he is dangerous. he will kill you one of these times. men like this don't change. Stop making up excuses for his behavior (you cheated on him) so what, no man ever should lay his hand on you. Get away form him Be4 it''s too late. How many times does he have to hit you be4 you realize that he is an abusive man? 100? 1,000, 5,000? ONe puch or one strangle could be too much he can kill you! Wake up! Get away from him! if you canot do it for yourself at least have the heart to protect your kids! They are innocent and pure don't let them get dragged down by there abusive father. He will hit them sooner then later as well. Go to an abusive womens shelter if you have to just get away. You are not venting you are scared shitless of this man. Come to reality with that! Call this number and tell them everythign that you told us here Toll Free National Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE TTY: 1-800-787-3224 Just call it when the jerk is not around! Protect your babies! Edit: Yes keep him away from the kids and get a restraining order from him. The police must be crooked where you live to not want to file a complaint. Keep calling them. maybe they know that you will always go back to him. First off stop being with him. he is dangerous! Don't you see that? Stay away from him. Lock yourself in your house if you have to! Go to the court house and get him to pay child support for your kids. Get a lawyer if you cannot afford one get a public defender. Just get away from this jerk!
I was in the same situation about 6 yrs. ago with my son's father and i was ur age as well. When me and my ex were together i started speaking with another guy and he found out. Even though we were not together and to him we still were. I was always getting hit and every time i did or said something he got upset and start his crap again. You need to put yourself and your kids first. Think if he's hitting u and he'll do the same to the kids and at that point that is where it could get worse. I though that my ex wasn't hitting my son until one day i came home and saw a bruise on my son and asked him what happened and he told me that daddy hit me that was it for me. So before it gets worse you need to leave him. You said it yourself he is not at your Level and you got so much going for yourself right now that you don't need someone like him to take all that away from u. Move on and trust me the next person that u meet will be mr. right.. but you gotta put yourself first, respect yourself and love yourself don't let him take that from u.. you can also, put a restraining order on him and your kids. but please do it for them. how do u think they feel when they see him hit u. Race dont mean anything and is the cops are not doing anything about u need to speak to a higher person there. Some cops have a racial isssue and feel its okay for a black person especially females get hit and its wrong. Whe i called the cops of my ex they told me that they needed to see evidence and i had the bruises. And that they could only arrest him if he is the first to hit. So take that into consideration butplease do put a restraining order and get away from him, and ur kids....U NEED HELP!!!