Latest Lists - Stay at home moms, do you ever feel stupid?

Stay at home moms, do you ever feel stupid?

I am a SAHM by choice. We agreed we would raise the children this way before we even had children. Whenever I'm around other moms that work, I always feel sooo stupid. Like, I'm not smart enough to get a job, like I'm beneath them. They don't actually say anything out right.... it's just a feeling I get. Their jobs always seem so important, so exciting. I don't have much to talk about other then the kids... I always want to scream out "I have a Bachelor's Degree in Business from a top 10 business school, I'm important too"! I swear I think some times they think I'm too stupid to get a job and that's the reason I stay at home..... Am I completely dumb for feeling this way?

Public Comments

As long as you enjoy what you do, WHO GIVES A HOOT ABOUT WHAT OTHERS THINK~! You're an empowered woman and keep it that way :)
I feel the complete opposite when I'm around working moms. I feel sorry for them because they HAVE to work and can't spend time with their babies like I do. Just think, while they are slaving away in an office putting on fake smiles and secretly wishing their clients would die, you're sitting in the park with your kids, getting kisses and hugs.
Oh that's insane!! I'm sure many of those working mothers wish they could stay home with the kids just like you do.. I know I do :) Don't feel insecure, it´s empowering to do what you do, it´s the best job any woman could have..
your not stupid i am a stay at home mom to my kids are 5 and 3 i dont' have a degree or anything either its just easier to stay at home and my husband makes plenty of money people look down on me i feel like sometimes too so here resently i have done alot around the house like i completly re landscaped the entire yard and ripped up the carpet resanded and restained the floors painted and so on then when they say something i throw that in their face you don't have much time with your kids till they grow up and u should enjoy every second you can with them my daughter will be starting school this year and i am glad i get to spend this time with her cuz once school starts its over ya know but its fine just don't worry about what people think cuz all that matters is your kids!
You're not dumb for feeling that way and not stupid for being a SAHM. I would love to be a SAHM but our financial situation won't allow it so I work part-time. And there are a lot of SAHMs out there who stay at home by choice, not because theyre "stupid". Just be happy that you can be at home with your kids, a lot of people dont have that option. And as long as people arent saying anything mean right out loud, then its nothing to worry about. If anyone does make a comment, put them in their place by saying "Wow I didnt know stupid people were awarded Bachelor's Degrees. If that's the case they must give jobs to the real idiots."
i am a sahm and a firm believe that working moms are the "stupid" ones. you know why? cause we are here for every step of the way... we are here for the first words, first steps, first day of school, we are here every time our children get hurt, we are here everytime our children get sick, we are the first one our children come to for comfort........ i couldn't care less about carreers, degrees, diplomas... all that stuff is pointless in my world... unless it's my children's carreers we are talking about...
If you feel that way go do something with yourself just because you have kids don't mean you have to stay home and not have a life. It's great that you take care of your family that's a job in itself but you should still go out and find something you love to do for yourself.
i used to be a lawyer practicing mostly securities litigation and regulation. now i'm a sahm. my husband is a professor in the sciences. i once was sitting with my husband and one of his colleagues whom i had not previously met. they started discussing the stock market, and the guy hosting stopped and said to me (I kid you not): "we're probably boring you. my wife is in the other room and would love your input on the best places to shop since we just moved here." lol. at the time, i was beyond mad. but really, does it say something about me, or about the guy who can't conceive that a woman staying home with her kids can have a brain? just live your life and remember that what they think doesn't define you, and that the longer you spend talking to them, the more they can't help but realize that for themselves.
So I feel that way too. I feel completely jealous of my husband because he has an amazing job where he gets to talk to adults all day and he can go out with them for lunch or to get a drink after work. I am here raising an autistic 3 year old and high needs 6 month old. Don't get me wrong I love being a mom and raising these kids, but I feel like I need some time to be around adults too. I know where you are coming from because most of the people where I live have nannies raising their children and there really aren't any moms that go to the park. I feel lonely a lot because I haven't made any friends here because the nannies are all friends and speak spanish. I feel like people don't value me because all I am is a mom. I wouldn't have it at this point any other way. I think once my kids are a bit older, I will be joining the workforce as hopefully a baker rather than a journalist, which is what I was before. I have learned I really have always loved cooking so I think I will go for that dream instead.
i wouldnt say i feel stupid but i feel insecure. most of it is because my sister who is a single working mother always throws "i make my own money and dont need a man" in my face. but at the same time, if you could see my daughter and her two sons, you would notice a drastic difference. her boys are potty mouths, junk food eaters, still in diapers (ages 4 and 2) and cry all the time. my daughter is 2 and potty trained, loves fruits and vegetables (especially peas) and she uses her words but not bad words. i didnt get her pregnant and leave her so why should i be put down because i have a great man? this is what i say to myself when she throws stuff in my face. keep your head up because being a SAHM is the most rewarding job ever and the hardest job. we chose to raise our kids in a more traditional way and there is nothing wrong with that.
LOL, That's funny, because when I'm around my SAHM friends, I always feel like they are better mothers than me because they are able to stay home with them. The grass is always greener on the other side... :) For the record, I have never, ever thought I was smarter than anyone just because I have a job and they don't.
Sorry.my.space.bar.is.broken!! You're.not.dumb! I.have.felt.it.too. But.it's.about.them.not.you. In.a.way.it's.hard.to.keep your...temper.but.really. you.are.working.harder.and.24/7.to.raise the.best.people.you.can.and.that is.more.important.than.many think.because.all.you.have.to. is.raise.that.little.person.into. someone.that.could.make.the. world.a.better.place:) And.these.ladies.have.a.point.as.well they.are.a.bit.jealous.of.you because.you.can.spend.time. with.yours.that.they.do.not.get.to. Good.luck!!
I am not a SAHM, I am a working mom and I WOULD NEVER think that about a SHAM. Both working moms and SAHMs have hard jobs. To anyone on either side to look down on the other side, they are the stupid ones. I can say this, I get jealous of SAHM's, wish I could but, I know that we need the money and we have to do what we have to do. I see your answers on here, you always sound very caring and educated. Dont let anyone get to you.
I know what you mean. Being a SAHM is wonderful, but it can make you feel like you've lost your identity. I have a master's degree in computer science, and people are always completely shocked if I mention it. It's as if an educated, intelligent woman wouldn't make the choice to stay home. My husband and I agreed on this arrangement, and even though every job has its tough days, I wouldn't change mine for the world. (For what it's worth, my husband has also told me that he'd support me 100% if/when I decide to start working outside the home.) One thing that has helped me is to get involved in my community in other ways. I'm currently the fundraising chair for my children's preschool, and while it's not difficult, it requires a good amount of time, great attention to detail, and the ability to work with and manage lots of data in an Excel spreadsheet. I have also led a moms' group at our church and helped out with the children's groups at church. While I love my kids and being home with them, it helps me to feel like I'm doing something outside of the family as well. As others have said, it's also probable that others aren't looking at you that way, and it's just your interpretation. Some of those WOHMs are probably jealous of your situation and wondering if you're thinking that they're terrible moms because they don't stay home. Unless someone says something to you, there's no way to really know what they're thinking. All you can do is be happy and confident in your decisions and go from there.
I don't feel this way. I enjoy my work as a 'SAHM.' I work hard at it and get excellent results. I am up-to-date on the latest research in the field, I have confidence in my initiatives, I do valuable work with a meaningful outcome. Nothing remotely stupid about it. There's nothing intrinsically meaningful about a paycheque. Being able to opt out of the hustle for $/status is a luxury.
Omg I feel like this whenever my husband has work friends around or anything. I feel like screaming "I'm a qualified doctor!' or trying to work it into the conversation somehow. Sometimes I feel like people think I'm mooching off my husband as well. And yeah I always feel like other women are so sophisticated while I spend half my day watching Disney movies and the other half attending PTA meetings. It does kind of feel like what other people do is important and my life is unorganized. But really I wouldn't want to change anything even if it is all true I'm really happy having a haphazard, hectic schedule.
Not really. There's been a rash, recently, of women I went to college with having babies (I'm 37, so I guess it was time to get on it) and I've got friends with Phd.'s who are home now. When my son was very young and I was pretty out of it I did sometimes feel like I didn't have much to talk about besides him, but that passed. I don't read as many books as I used to, but I usually manage the New Yorker and Harper's and that keeps me pretty much up-to-date. Honestly, I used to have what most people would probably consider a pretty "exciting" career. Which almost always means: ridiculously long hours and tons of pressure. Most of the women I know with jobs have pretty boring jobs, nothing to be jealous about there. Sometimes I feel like people focus a bit too much on my freelance career (which is really a very small part of how I spend my time) as if that's all I did that really mattered. But it doesn't make me insecure or anything, I just figure they don't get it.
I know exactly how you feel! I am a SAHM by choice as well and we both agreed that it would be better for me to raise our child (and any future children) and this is also my choice, my partner said that if I really wanted to work we would work something out, and I toyed with this idea until she came into the world and I realized that being at home was best for us, and now and love being a SAHM mom. I have 3 Bachelor's degrees, one in English (as I was planning on being a high school teacher, did a practicum and realized that teaching was not for me) and I have a double Bachelor's degree in Anthropology and Archaeology and when I found out I was pregnant I was in the middle of my Master's in Social Anthropology. Starting September, I will be working on my master's again...I have worked it out with my supervisor to do the rest of this from home (since I was finished my core courses, basically all that's left is my research and writing my thesis) and only have to go to campus a few times a month. I sometimes feel so dumb around my friends who are working because they are all doing so well and it makes me wonder if I would be having the same success, but then a lot of them also wish they had my life... beautiful baby...so I guess it's a catch 22. But SAHM mom's are far from stupid and although we may only feel like we only have our kids to talk about...we have so much more to offer, and heck...our kids are our jobs so of course we love talking about them!
I have felt that way. Unfortunately, there are SOME working moms out there who do feel that way about SAHMs. It's wrong,and it's biased, however, you have to remember that you will get looked down on by some people if you choose to have a family and a career too because not everyone agrees with that either. So either way, you will never gain total approval. The important thing is, that you are doing what YOU think is best for your family, and you should feel good about that. I also want to say, that I think the majority of moms don't look down on SAHMs at all, so that is something to remember. Most of the time that 'feeling' that we are looked down on is coming from ourselves because of the message that society puts on us as moms that we need to do it all (career, marriage, kids, and still have time for ourselves). When SAHMs choose to make their kids and family priority instead of adding a career onto that and dividing the time; some members of society see that as wrong or lazy. But, the truth is that being a SAHM is an extremely difficult. There's a reason that being a parent is referred to as "the hardest job in the world". For a lot of people staying home is a finacial sacrafice. The biased opinion of that small number of working moms who think they are superior (unfortunately, I do know a few) says more about their intelligence level than yours; the stereotype that SAHMs are not as intelligent and that we don't work as hard is just based on ignorance. I went to a University for a Psychology degree, I learned Japanese as a second language and I taught my son to read before he turned 3 years old. I've also held full-time jobs successfully for years in management positions, and STILL there are people (including my mother-in-law) who look down on me for putting my kids first. Oh, well. I've decided I don't like it, but I can live with that. The important thing is my kids are first. Those people can think whatever they want to think, it's not going to change the truth.
Well, that is ridiculous if they actually DO think that, but I have another theory. I'm kind of in a reverse situation. I am an RN and my husband is a lawyer, and we have four kids. We would be able to live comfortably on only my husband's salary, but I really do love working, and I only work part time. I work a four day week. Only three of those days are full days and one of them is a half day. I also have one full day off. I feel like I have plenty of time to bond and spend time with my kids AND some time to work. Even though I often miss my little munchkins on long days, I know that working is something important to ME, that I really do enjoy. When I talk to SAHMs, they often look down on me for 'not valuing my children above my work.' I feel like they look down at me for not dedicating an equal amount of time to my children as they are, even though I get off work at four on my long days, and take an entire day off every week to be with them. I have gotten many rude/insensitive comments because of this. I bet you that these woman feel just as much looked down upon by you as you do by them, not that you would EVER say anything, or even feel anything bitter towards them... it's just that often working mothers do feel guilty for pursuing a career, and smart, happy women like you make them feel like maybe THEIR kids deserve what your kids have... a FULL time mommy. You might just be misreading these women's 'signals.' I say that you should be happy with your beautiful children and family, and even if a women truly is looking down on you, appreciate that you really are a smart woman and you have made the best decision for your kids.
Yes because I never view SAHM's that way. Heck I have a two year degree in Web Design and I'm just a secretary. I feel stupid when I'm hanging around some of my other friends my age and they are all, managers and doctors and stuff. lol...but honestly. I'm jealous of SAHM's. I wish I could be. But I'd also miss having my own money to, I like being able to go buy stuff and not have someone screaming at me for spending money. :)
No, I am college educated so I know darn well I am not stupid. I just CHOOSE to be at home with my kids, and I consider myself lucky because some moms have to work in order to keep up with finances.