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What do you think of my monologue? I'm only 14, is it funny?

it's hard to understand. Please answer. I'm only 14 and this is the only thing i've done, so only constructive criticism. You don't have to read all of it. just please response? The first 3 paragraphs suck. After that, it gets much better. Just skip the first 3 So for some reason at lunch a few days ago we were talking about homophobia. And as I got in to the word "homophobic," the only out-of-the-closet gay kid in our grade happened to walk by. Not wanting to offend him, I stopped myself mid-way through the word. It was timed perfectly. He walks by, accidentally, I say, "homo." Later that day in the gym locker my buddies and I were trying to come up with a name for one of their band's songs. We were talking about the name Oliver's Song for their band and I brought up that this could be okay because of Adam's Song by Blink-182. Adam happens to be the name of this exact same gay kid and he was standing right by. My friend erupted in laughter and made me look like a freaking republican senator from Louisiana. You know what I truly despise? Ignorace. It is a proven fact that I have the most dim-witted teacher in the U.S. school system. First of all, I've met dudes named pablo working at McDonald's who know english better than she does. And at least the Joses and Ricardos of the world speak fluent spanish. English is her first language. I've heard her say ROOsevelt and gaz-A-bo, and information ("a" sound like "a" in ration.) She also tells us that Hitler was wrong just because he has an ugly mustache. So let me get this straight. If Hitler looked like Taylor Lautner or some s**t like that would she have a swastica poster in her room? You're pretty ugly and stupid, so who is she to grade my papers? My friend once asked me how you know when you're swearing too much. I have come up with a logical answer. Just bear with me here. Take the F word. It's a verb, right? And take the word d***e. It's a noun. When you start to use d****e as a verb like I"'m gonna douche you up" or "C**t, I look as ugly as f**k today" you better do some self-reflecting. Even though if you're as ugly as you sound, stay away from a mirror. One of the many things I hate is plastic surgery. You should see a teacher of mine. Let's just put it this way: she'd fit in more in the wax museum than in reality. And I love how impressed people are when they're in the wax museum and they'll say,"That looks exactly like Joan Rivers." You do know this museum is full of Holllywood stars. So, she is composed of 100% plasticy, waxy substance in reality and in the museum. Do you know anybody with the same hair color as Donald Trump? The answer is no. Donald Trump has the most unique hair-color on Earth. Only Conan O'Brien can say he has Donald- Trump colored hair. And only Donald Trump can fire someone with no guilt in a terrible economy while he has a wife 24 years younger than him. here are 4 deep and philosophical questions: what happens when Justin Beiber hits puberty? Then again, chicks don't get deepened voices when they go through puberty. Don't believe he's a girl? He's having a sweet sixteen. Can Tigers and Courgars reproduce? All I can say is that would make for some perverted, creepy, multi-talented kid. What is the diameter of Bill O'Reily's Adam's apple? I've always wondered if Obama lives up some of the african american stereotypes? can't manage billions, hates old, southern white guys, but had a kid at the age of 39. Everybody has theories right? You may not know it, but you have one. One of mine is called "The Deception of Cadence." For example, Katie Couric has the ability of saying anything and make it sound like she's backing you up against the wall. Katie says to you on the street,"So, thought of any baby names?" You,"Well, in the end I can garuntee you that my decision will make this country a better place to live in." You know who else has this. Ice Cube. He can tell you anything and it'' sound completely badass. (Icecube) "So man, I was thinking on donating some money to help research cancer." (You) "Dude, you're gonna get us in some deep s**t. I just got a parking ticket 6 months ago. i don't wanna be behind bars. I know I need to transition and this would come out clearer if it was spoken

Public Comments

1. I like your good punctuation and neat prose, but you're a grammar nazi and that shit is not good. Cause remember, God didn't write the dictionary, people make language, THEY write the dictionary, yep, good old dumbass people. What you speak now, in another time, would have sounded like retarded swine feeder's ghetto cockney slang. As for your insights, everybody is too burnt out to notice anything not involving someone getting strangled by intestines
2. You need segues between paragraphs. You jump from one topic to the next with no apparent connection.
3. Lol that was funny and the top was very funny. My fav part was about Hitler and Taylor Laubter