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Appraise my 500 word fake college admission essay for AP English please?

The general suckyness of the world is an issue of great importance to me, mostly due to the frequency with which I encounter it. Every day, it seems, I find a new tradition or a new attitude that’s completely wrong and has no business existing. The ubiquity of the suckyness disturbs me. For example, the idea that a student who uses the word “ubiquity” properly in an essay might seem more educated and more appealing to selectors than one who repeatedly uses the word “suckyness” along with its variants is something I regard as quite sucky, owing to at least 2 of the following: language is one of the least important academic studies, higher vocabulary exalts pretentiousness over frankness and honesty, and after 4 years of high school a student ought to have proven his worth regardless of the manner with which he chooses to express himself to the higher-ups in a single get-to-know-you 2 pager. Furthermore, the idea that I feel compelled to expatiate upon my emotions with numerous logical processes is sucky. Finally, my having to question whether or not it’s acceptable to make up the word “suckyness” for my own essay sucks. When I wake up on a weekday, I have to go to leave for school at 6:30 a.m. This sucks. Something about athletics; I think they want to get their stuff done before it gets too hot. This combines with how my single mother has to go to work early in the morning every day, so I have to get a ride from her long before the school bell even rings. At school, I’m forced into the same room (4 times a day) as approximately 20 other students who all care more about Beyonce’s latest hit (is Beyonce still active?) than the timeless classics like Monty Python’s “Galaxy Song”, or “Yakko’s Universe.” This sucks. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not blaming them for getting caught up with the mainstream; there are also those who would rather mourn with “Moonlight Sonata”, let their hearts soar on Holst’s “The Planets”, or headbang to Bach’s “Toccata and Fugue in D minor.” All of it annoys me. Maybe the classicalheads even annoy me a little more because of their pretentiousness and the admiration that others have for their pretentiousness, but it all annoys me because what I care about for the day or week is “Yakko’s Universe” and the “Galaxy Song”, and nobody else gets that. Come to think of it, it sucks that I can’t make them get that because I’m not pretty and friendly enough to make them care. I don’t care for essays, so, to me, it sucks that I have to write them. There’s little point in even making me write them. I don’t aspire to do anything in the field of literature. I’m just a humble science student with an at least ephemeral passion for physics, which is overshadowed by the greatest and purest passion of all: the passion for doing well enough to get a good job, with which will come money and the power to make things less sucky (or to cancel out the net-suckyness with what I decide is good).

Public Comments

1. Lots of slang. This essay is pointless and inappropriate and not overly well constructed. You were kidding right?! With regard to the name on your account, I would have guessed that even if you'd failed to mention it...