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My parents are deep in debt, need mine and my sisters income to survive but I just can't live at home anymore?

*WARNING- long read* My parents used to own a successful company, and were doing quite well. During my last year of university (which happened to be the height of the recession) the CRA pretty much forced them to shut down over unpaid taxes which had accrued over that year (they had otherwise been very good about filing and paying the taxes, that year was just tough). My parents, not knowing the difference between personal and corporate finances, pretty much destroyed their own credit to keep the business in good credit standing as long as they could. Now that the business is gone, they pretty much have nothing to stand on themselves, have 2 mortgages and a slew of various credit card debts which they racked up trying to pay off debts for the company before it was shut down (it was incorporated, they just tried to hold on to it as long as possible). My sister and I have since been able to find jobs, my sister's paying roughly 22/hr and mine about 16/hr (she's 26 I'm 25). Between us (after paying our own expenses) we barely have enough to cover the monthly mortgage bills- forget about the rest. My parents are not really working; my dad is out of the country and was trying to set up training schools in his field, but the last I heard they weren't bringing anything in and he is pretty much lofting and "networking". My mom works real estate, which is commission only, but hasn't really been able to get things moving with that. She does bring in some money but not enough to make a difference. I've been telling her to find a position with salary/wages and do the real estate on the side, and she keeps saying she's trying but I just don't believe it- with her skills and qualifications it shouldn't be this hard for her, yet she's never even gone on an interview. Contacts she makes through her work keep offering her positions, but they're all profit sharing or commission only. My dad has pretty much decided he's going to file for bankruptcy, though again has been out of the country for quite awhile now, and even I don't know when he's coming back. My mom doesn't want to file bankruptcy, and is ALWAYS stressed about losing the house (which is under her name), yet hasn't done anything to try to figure out all her financial issues. She's already been sued by one company (though they didn't inform her of the case, so she can contest it, but she hasn't done that yet, and it's past the time they said to respond by in the last letter), she's BEING sued by another, and we've literally stopped answering our phone cuz of the collection calls. I've sent her countless articles on how to try to figure it out, I've given her so many phone numbers of companies or programs she can contact to try to get them to help her figure it out... the only knowledge of financial matters I have is what I learned through my mandatory finance/accounting classes in my degree (neither of those were my major, they're NOT my area of interest) and I've even offered to go through everything with her but she just keeps brushing me off. When I tell her I'm worried she says "You don't have to worry as long as I'm here" but I'm sick of hearing that! It means nothing at all. It really feels to me as if they're not doing anything at all to try to fix the situation. ON TOP of this, I'm treated like a CHILD. They always say I'm irresponsible, I'm not allowed out after dark- I'm routinely in trouble for being out "late" (barely even midnight), I'm constantly getting yelled at for my room being messy, I'm constantly berated for my pets, if I eat out then I'm told I'm wasting money, yet I constantly see my mom coming home with new clothes. I also recently found out that even though my sister makes SIGNIFICANTLY more than I do, I'm giving my family more money than she is! I gave 1400 a month while she - sometimes!!- gives 1200. Recently, my mom has started threatening to give away (and has actually tried to secretly sell) my dog. I have no doubts she's trying to do this with my cat as well. I was furious when I found out, and told her if she tried that again I would move out. This morning there was a huge thunderstorm and my dog was too afraid to go out, and ended up peeing in the house. My mom had a fit, started screaming and woke me up to clean it. Then she actually threw the fact that I told her I would move out back in my face. While I've literally wanted to move away from home since coming back from university (it's been almost 2 years now), I said nothing and I sat tight since I knew my family needed me. They've taken good care of me my entire life, and paid for pretty much my entire degree- the last year was the only one I got OSAP (gov't loan) for. I WANT to be there for them, but honestly, I just can't do it anymore. I feel Didn't realize my details were cut off. That last sentence should read: I feel so selfish for wanting to leave, but I can't stand it anymore. I've tried talking to my mom but it's like talking to a brick wall- nothing gets through! She just assumes I'm just whining and pretty much starts petting my head and saying "it's ok, we'll get through this" and so on. Finally, on top of everything else, my sister is getting married in December and I'm expected (was not even asked) to significantly contribute! Ps. My sister hates me, and I really don't like her either. I need some serious advice! I know this isn't the place for family advice, but if you have it I'll take it. More relevant to this section- how do I get my mom to stop being so ignorant about her finances? I've figured out a budget where I could still give abt $500/month if I do move out (assuming I find a place for a certain amt per month), but at the very least, I want to know that they won't lose the house if I leave. What ar

Public Comments

1. These are tough times. In the old days it wasn't uncommon for families to live together in a large house. Even married couples with parents and in laws, grandchildren, etc. It saves money and you only have one set of utility bills. I understand you want to move on with your own life and have already given them two years. Tough decision to make. Call your dad and tell him to get home and get a job because your out the door. honestly i would never depend on my daughter but i do expect her to be here for me when I get old and can't take care of myself. If I ever see a nursing home the life insurance policy will be given to charity. 100 grand Edit Magana is right..that's what I am talking about.
2. If you can't live there anymore, move out. If you feel you need to help them, draw up a roommate agreement. I live with my mom, my sister, and my husband and we are all like roommates that just happen to love and care for each other. We all work hard and have fun together. We each have chores and responsibilities. I love living with them and I'd be sad it if they ever decided to leave. It can work out but your parents need to realize you are an adult and you are doing everything you can to help them. Just make sure you are being reasonable and not leaving a mess everywhere and treating them with disrespect. My other sister was my roommate once and it was ok for her to have a messy room but the rest of the house needed to be clean and her dog needed to respect the house too. There are guidelines we must follow to ensure the peace and tranquility of our fellow dweller.
3. How long have you been going through this? has it been more than 18 years? did you pay for your college education? Two things just off the cuff, I agree with your mother 1) " Never file Bankruptcy" I disagree with your mothers desire to hold on to the property just waiting to be foreclosed on. " Sell the property !" and have them move into something they can afford. They can build from there. and trust me, it will be a Great relief and a great accomplishment " dodging the foreclosure" that's been hanging over their head. seems to me like you have pretty capable parents, they just need a little support for the moment. Step one, talk to a realtor and get your house listed step 2 start looking for a new place to live one ideally a studio for around $400.00 a month. for your parents, you guys are going to have to start fending for yourselves :) Start finding the best market to sell off all the extra furniture. your not going to need much in a studio
4. You just have to explain it patiently to your mom. Good luck!
5. he also said, "stay away from banks and pharmacies, teh lines"
6. Hi Saby. I had a lengthy answer for you but despite my and Darling Hubby's best efforts, I CANNOT get it to post. "Yahoo Answers is currently unavailable" -- that's what I keep getting. Whatever! Email me through my profile. Thanks!